space, treading the slanted floor that always makes me feel slightly off balance, as if the library is a parallel dimension, part of another world.
I hear a soft, gasping sound, distant and muffled.
For a moment I’m confused, because while I know what it sounds like, I don’t think it can actually be true.
Already my feet are sprinting up the ramp and I’m looking around wildly, trying to find her.
She isn’t at her desk. I have to run all the way up to the topmost level, to the last and most distant table. Then I find her slumped over a pile of books, her head on her arms.
Her shoulders shake with near-silent sobs.
I sit down next to her, putting my arm around her.
She knows it’s me without even looking.
She turns toward me, letting me encircle her in my arms, letting me hug her, though I’m not supposed to.
“I can’t find it,” she sobs. “I’ve looked everywhere.”
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her cry.
It scares me.
She never breaks. She never gives up.
She’s the bedrock in my life. If that rock is splitting apart . . .
“If I can’t find it—”
“You WILL find it,” I tell her, hugging her with all my might.
“If I can’t—”
“You WILL. When have you ever failed to do something?”
She laughs, the tears still gleaming on her cheeks.
“There was one time.”
“Yeah, well there won’t be another. You won’t fail. You can’t.”
She lets out a long sigh, leaning heavily against me. She looks exhausted.
“It’s been so long. What if it’s all for nothing?”
I hold her by both shoulders so I can look her in the eye.
“Then we kill them all,” I say.
13
Dean
Cat stays overnight in the infirmary.
I was only able to sit beside her for an hour before Professor Howell came and hollered at me for not reporting back to him, then booted me out of the infirmary and sent me out to the field to clean up the mess left from the competition.
Due to the interruption of the Sophomore tower delaying our team, the Seniors retrieved their flag first, and the Freshmen second. It doesn’t matter—we still beat the Sophomores and secured our place in the next round.
By all accounts, Lola Fischer threw a tantrum over her elimination, blaming Cat for their loss.
I’d like to fucking strangle her for sending Cat up there in the first place.
By the time I help the grounds crew haul off every last scrap of lumber, it’s fully dark and too late to try to visit Cat again.
When I return to the infirmary in the morning, Sasha tells me that Cat left early so she could clean up and attend class as normal.
I track Cat down between first and second period.
She looks relatively revived, other than the scrapes and bruises all down her arms, and the bandage on her forehead. Her uniform is nicely pressed, and I can’t help but notice her leather collar peeking out from the neck of her blouse. The sight gives me a Pavlovian thrill.
“Why didn’t you come find me?” I demand. “I was worried about you.”
Cat smiles. “I figured we’d see each other tonight.”
“You want to meet me in the Bell Tower?” I say, in an undertone because I don’t want the passing students to overhear. “I thought you’d take a few days off.”
“I’m fine,” Cat says. “I don’t need any days off.”
My pulse quickens and I feel my cock swelling, aroused by the fact that Cat isn’t using her accident as an excuse to avoid me. She wants to meet me tonight.
“Nine o’clock?” I say.
“Of course.” Cat nods.
Then, to my astonishment, she winks at me and heads off to class with a flirtatious little flick of her skirt.
It occurs to me that when I first met Cat, I mostly observed her while she was stressed or scared. Often due to my own behavior toward her. Now that she’s relaxing a little . . . she’s actually quite playful.
I like it. She’s teasing me and even flirting with me, like she’s trying to get a rise out of me.
If she wants to poke the bear, I’m happy to show her how beastly I can be.
All in good time, however. I don’t believe she’s fully recovered. I’ll have to be careful tonight, even if the sight of her in that plaid skirt and collar has already whipped me into a fever pitch with hours yet to go before I’ll see her again.
I’m in such a mood of anticipation that I don’t immediately snap Vanya Antonov’s neck when he deliberately