we broke up. Or even before that. Desi doesn’t normally snitch on him to me. But she was so upset, believing her daddy didn’t think she was beautiful.”
Lana tears up and steps back. “Why did I stay with him for so long? I should have left when she was little. Back before she got so attached.”
“It’s not your fault he’s a shithead.”
“It’s my fault that I let him steal her toys,” she says, losing the mask and revealing raw shame. “I should have just left. Years ago, when I knew I didn’t love him and he was a loser, I should have taken Desi back to Shasta and asked my mom for help. But I was too proud, and Desi grew up in a trashy trailer with her toys always disappearing. I did that.”
Fuck my ego! I’ve made shit worse by getting upset and forcing Lana to face her past. Feeling guilty, I wrap my arms around her. “Lana, you did your best.”
“My best sucked. Can you imagine how many times that sweet child came home from school to realize something was missing from her small stash of toys? One time, she told me she lost her favorite doll. She said she left her in bed, but the doll ran away. I thought she was goofing around, and Kenny said they found it, but I don’t know. I never asked. I just let things happen. Kenny is trash, but so am I.”
Stroking her head, I can’t imagine the life they lived. There’s no wrapping my mind around it. Lana is so good with the girls that I can’t imagine her being checked out like she claims.
“People make mistakes. You know I did with Summer. We’re not perfect, but we can only do better. I did with Summer, and you’re doing it with Desi.”
Lana struggles against her sobs fighting to break free. “I wasted so many years because I felt like I didn’t belong in my own life. I want that time back, but it’s just gone.”
“I know,” I murmur against her ear. “I feel that way every fucking time I see Summer. It never stops bothering me how I missed out on that time with her when she was little or when I nearly lost her. I keep waiting for that burden to lift. But it’s always in the background.”
“Because you love her so much,” she says, wiping her eyes and looking up at me. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t feel guilty. You’d find an excuse that made the pain go away. That’s what Kenny does. He loves Desi, but he always comes up with reasons for why he isn’t the bad guy. You’re a better man, and I wish you were Desi’s father instead of him. She deserves the best.”
I can’t help smiling. Lana’s approval means too much to me, and I’m always hungry for her praise.
“I love you,” I say, cupping her face and holding her gaze. “I wanted you the moment I saw you, and I hated leaving you that night. It felt weak to be so attached, so I made myself go. I regretted that decision for months, and I would have regretted it for the rest of my life if our paths hadn’t crossed again. You’re mine, Lana. I love you, and I don’t love easy. Once I let someone in, I never let them go.”
“I love you too,” she whispers, her eyes flashing rawness that proves she isn’t just saying what I want to hear. “I don’t want to go back to Shasta. I only want to stay with you.”
Smiling, I give her a kiss laced with the neediness I’ve felt since she returned to my life, and I realized I got a second chance with the sexy stripper.
“Desi is my family now,” I say once our lips part. “I can’t make Kenny be a decent father, but I can treat her like the special little girl she is. Hopefully, that’ll be enough.”
Lana exhales deeply, and I see a woman struggling with regrets. While I don’t have the power to erase her past, I can offer Lana and Desi a fresh start with family, friends, comfort, and safety. Elko is their home now.
LANA
Bronco plans to have a group of his club brothers to the house for an afternoon meeting. He shares this information after our morning fuck. His words barely register. I’m sporting a vacation brain right now.
When Lowell arrives, followed by Conor, Rooster, and Wyatt, I feel a little overwhelmed. Whenever the Reapers