signs in her eyes as soon as she drove up. Not to mention she was probably gushing lady fluids. I’m surprised I didn’t slip on her squirts and break a hip.”
“Hilarious,” I say loudly and raise my arms. “My sister is a comedienne now, entertaining her way into fucking up my life.”
“Stop the drama, little brother.”
I wave off her crap, knowing the only way for my sisters to take me seriously is for them to suffer my cold shoulder. They’re women accustomed to screaming, threats, and violence. The silent treatment is their kryptonite.
Returning to Sidonie, who sulks on the couch, I hand her a cookie. “I’m mad at your aunt. She was mean to me. I’m ignoring her.”
Sidonie’s pout lifts slightly, and she whispers, “She’s glaring at you.”
“Want to take Uno for a walk?” I say, feeling restless in the house.
My daughter sighs heavily. “Desi takes three dogs for a walk. Sometimes, four.”
“That’s a lot of fucking dogs,” I say and tug her to her feet. “I thought she only had one.”
“The other two belong to a lady named Shelby. Another belongs to more friends. Desi’s house is full of people.”
Once we’re outside, I ask, “Did you and Desi talk a lot?”
“She talked and talked and talked. It was fun. She likes to play with dolls, and she likes dogs. She is going to go to a hotel with water slides. She never did that before. I know we did that, but I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want to make her feel bad. I think she didn’t have money, and now she does.”
“I’m proud of how gentle you were to Desi. I know you were nervous about meeting her.”
“I didn’t let her play with Uno,” Sidonie says, stopping and instantly growing agitated. “I was mean to her.”
“You were nervous.”
I give Sidonie a hug before she can lose her shit on the street. Not that people in this community don’t know my daughter is fragile as fuck. She’s been losing her shit since she was four years old and realized everyone else had a mom. Sidonie’s never gotten over it.
But today she just gets teary-eyed and asks, “What if they don’t come back?”
“Lana said she would, and I think we can trust her.”
“She’s beautiful,” Sidonie says, giving me a look that I’ve seen a million times on her aunts’ faces.
“Yes, I know.”
“You made a baby with her.”
“I know that, too,” I say, beginning to walk again.
“You could marry her, and she’d never leave.”
“That’s not how families work.”
“Don’t you want to marry her?”
“I don’t know Lana very well,” I say and give a head nod to one of my men sitting on his porch. “You don’t either. Why don’t we spend more time with her, and then we’ll see how we feel?”
Sidonie isn’t good at waiting. She starts getting riled up for Christmas on December 1st and just stays that way for weeks. Same for Halloween and her birthday earlier this month.
That’s why I expect this to be a long fucking week.
Fortunately, Desi texts Sidonie that evening. The girls constantly chat every day afterward. I hear Sidonie saying “uh-huh” a million times while her friend talks and talks. I also catch her talking to Lana a few times. She doesn’t mention her name, but I notice more neediness in her tone.
Lana doesn’t call me all week. Though she sends a new picture of Carina every day. I wonder if Lana knows how much I need those photos. The distance between my kid and me cuts deep. I’m used to being in control. I always know where the girls are, even when Summer thinks she’s sneaky.
The week doesn’t drag. I work every day. There are shipments to double-check, and police to pay off. I also focus on the new homes being built at the back of the community. We’ve added a few members. Sons of the men I ran with back in my youth. Now they’re creating families. I swear I feel fucking ancient sometimes.
But in the evenings, alone after the girls are in bed, I’m angsty like a lovesick teenager. I picture Lana in my life. Does she cook? What does she do for fun? We talked mostly about the kids and a few surface things. First date shit, really. I hadn’t wanted to trust her. I still feel as if it’s a mistake to let her close. Except she’ll be a part of my life anyway. I ought to know her better.