against the tears.
The first thing I notice is the birdbath outside my mother’s window. A single white dove sits on the rim. It looks at me and blinks. We stare at each other, me and the bird, for the longest moment. Then it coos, a tiny trill, and shakes its feathers. One last look at me and the bird takes off.
It’s a sign. I feel it.
Mom is going to be okay, and she wants me to know I will be as well. With a swipe of both cheeks, I push off Brody’s masculine chest. His grip on me eases and he helps me off his lap to settle onto the bench beside him. Without saying a thing, he hands me a tissue and takes my hand in his.
We sit there, together, as I take several deep breaths, blowing out through my mouth. My nose is stopped up with tears. My eyes sting, swollen and raw from so many tears.
“I must look a mess.” I dab at my eyes and blink against a fresh flood of tears. They refuse to stop. Once I think I’m done with the crying, my body says, Not yet! and sends a fresh rush of grief and agony rushing through me.
“You look absolutely beautiful.” The low rumble of Brody’s voice comforts me, like a warm blanket wrapped around me on a cold winter’s night.
“Your definition of beautiful is sorely lacking.” Wonder of wonders, I crack a smile. A small laugh escapes me.
Brody’s squeezes my hand affectionately. “You don’t see what I see.”
“A sobbing mess?”
“A beautiful, resilient woman that I’m desperately in love with.”
The ease with which he says those words sounds natural and truthful. So natural and so truthful, it takes a moment before what he said sinks in.
“Brody…” I sit a little straighter as the words turn in my head. “I don’t know what to say.” Something builds within my chest, a warming sensation that fills me nearly to bursting.
He loves me.
“You don’t need to say anything right now.” He reaches across and takes my other hand in his. “Right now, there are other things you need to deal with.”
My attention shifts to the birdbath and then to the window of Mom’s room. She used to spend hours watching the birds play in the water. That dove was her, telling me I’ll be okay. I feel lighter, less overwhelmed.
“Mark’s inside speaking with the hospice nurse. He asked me to bring you back inside when you were able. There are things…”
“I know.” I pull my hands out of his grip and wipe away a sheen of fresh tears. The next step is dealing with the mortuary and her body. Another sob rips through me, but this time, I put myself together much faster than before. Another sniffle, a few more tissues, and I stand.
Brody’s right there beside me. With me. He doesn’t ask if I want him to come. He’s simply there.
When I head inside, I pass by the still form of my mother’s body. Mark pulled the covers up, tucking them around his sister. I pause at the foot of the bed.
“She looks so peaceful.” I want to linger, but in my heart, I know that’s no longer my mother. Her spirit’s been freed. She’s out there now, looking over me, and I know she’ll be there for the rest of my life, guiding me and loving me.
Mark’s in the living room speaking with the hospice nurse. When they see me, they break apart.
The nurse folds her hands in front of her. She bows her head. “I’m very sorry for your loss.”
I sniff, unable to speak with the massive lump in my throat. The nurse waits me out, completely un-rushed. She’s here to support Mark and me through the next steps.
After I swallow a few times, I find my voice. “What do we need to do now?”
“Not much. I’ll take care of calling the mortuary. They’ll send someone out when you’re ready.” Someone to collect the body. “I’ll stay here until then if you want.”
“Yes, that would be helpful.” There’s no way I’m getting through that next step.
Mark approaches and draws me into a hug. For some reason, Brody’s entire body stiffens, but he steps to the side and gives Mark and I a moment to hold each other and grieve.
“Do you want to sit with her or wait out here?” He sweeps the hair off my face and gazes deep into my eyes. His are swollen and red, much like mine.
“I want to wash