Brazen Girl by Ali Dean Page 0,30

I wait a few seconds, my heart dropping to my stomach at the sight.

I want to tell her it’s no big deal, we can go do something else. Maybe she needs more time. But something tells me more time will make whatever it is inside of her fester. I’ve never experienced what she’s going through, and it’s possible I’m royally fucking this up, but I go with my gut.

“I’m gonna ride down that ramp. Come over there and meet me, I’ll grab you at the bottom.” It’s ridiculous, something I would have said to Naomi when she was just learning, not to one of the world’s best. But we’ve got to start somewhere.

After skating down the ramp I pick up my board and turn to wait for her.

She’s at least looking up at me instead of at the ground now. Well, maybe not at me, but in my general direction. Her head isn’t really focused on the small ramp in front of her. She could go down it with her eyes closed. Probably while balancing a book on her head. No, there’s something else running through her brain, and I’m not sure I want to know what it is. Seconds turn to minutes and I start to wonder what my next move will be. Finally, she pushes off and coasts forward. With another kick, she rushes down the ramp, and a few seconds later she’s in my arms. Jordan’s panting like she just completed a five-minute session in the bowl. It’s barely in the fifties, and sweat beads her forehead.

“Okay, I’m ready for ice cream now,” she declares.

“Not yet, do it again. Come on, I’ll walk up with you.”

Jordan looks up at me in surprise. “Why? This isn’t even fun.”

I don’t answer, taking her hand and guiding her up the stairs next to the ramp. When we get to the spot we started before, I put down my board and glide back down the ramp, waiting for her again.

Jordan’s gritting her teeth up there, but it doesn’t take quite as long before she kicks off and glides down to me. She looks just like herself once she’s moving on the board. Smooth and easy, no nerves or second-guessing going on.

This time when she skates into my chest for me to catch her she looks up. “A couple more times?” she asks.

We do this simple ramp over and over until she kicks off without hesitation. The last time, she’s right behind me, and zooms past, going up the ramp on the other side before jumping off her board.

The park’s empty now and I chase after her.

Jordan doesn’t look happy exactly, but she doesn’t seem tormented either. I’ll take it.

Chapter Thirteen

Jordan

“You think it’s weird I’m scooping ice cream for my job while you’re about to travel the world for skateboarding competitions?” Beck and I are sitting on a bench behind the The Swirl. It’s way too cold to be eating ice cream outside, but I don’t want to sit inside where I work.

“No. And anyway, you could be traveling the world for skateboarding competitions too if you wanted.”

I don’t point out that I can barely skate down a ramp at the moment.

“You want to tell me what was going on in your head at the park?” he asks.

“I don’t really know. It’s like I’d be frozen, unable to move forward, and I’d have to talk myself into it.”

“Huh.”

“And then when I would talk myself into it, say come on Jordan, just ride forward to Beck, the anxiety stuff I’ve told you about would start to rise up.”

“But you did it anyway,” Beck says. “You didn’t actually have a panic attack out there.”

“Yeah, I guess I was fighting it off.” I laugh at how ridiculous it is. “It’s like part of me was convinced something terrible would happen when I skated and it wasn’t worth it.”

“It’s worth it,” Beck doesn’t hesitate to remind me before taking a lick of ice cream. “In case you forgot.”

“Having you here helps, Beck.” My throat swells up and I take a lick of my ice cream to hide it. “I still can’t say I regret… telling you not to cancel Shred Live.”

“And breaking up with me?” he pushes, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, if I hadn’t done that you would’ve canceled. Look, I told you before and I mean it. I need you. I needed you today at the park, and in so many little ways. But that doesn’t mean I want you sitting around babysitting me. Just because I