Brazen Girl by Ali Dean Page 0,13

get on a plane and be there with you. I can still cancel Shred Live.”

Another round of tears threatens, but somehow, I manage to push them down. “Beck, I can’t let you do that. I just can’t.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, but I can practically feel his frustration coming through. “It’s not a sacrifice for me, Jordan. It’s what I want to do,” he finally says.

For an instant, I see him how he was that last morning–sitting up in his bed, bare shoulders and chest showing and a little smile on his face. But then I imagine him in a giant house with nineteen other people, a world away without me. Images of him competing at the X Games play through my head, and I know this man is only at the beginning. As soon as filming is done, he’s meant to travel the world, going full tilt back into competition mode after his hiatus. I’ll only hold him back. I know that now more than ever. If I’m going to take care of myself, I can’t be trying to keep up with Beckett Steele. And no matter what his soft voice is saying to me right now, how many promises he’s made, I’ll never feel good about holding him back.

“I just wanted to check in with you. Let you know I’m still recovering.” I try to brush it all off, his offer to be here with me. “What have you been up to?”

Beck hesitates a moment before responding, and I know he wants to swing the door I cracked until it’s wide open. I should’ve locked it tight, but I know I’ll never be able to do that. It makes me wonder if things will ever be done with Beck. Even as I’m the one shutting the door, it’s hard to imagine they will be.

Beck tells me that he’s at his mom’s, and Moses is over too with Griff. But conversation feels forced now. Beck doesn’t let it go on.

“Look, I’m going to wait for you to figure this all out, Jordan. I’ll do Shred Live if that’s what you want, but I’m not going anywhere when it comes to us. Maybe it’s not what you want to hear, but for me, this isn’t over. It’s a break while the social media stuff blows over, while Shred Live is filming, and while you recover from the concussion. But I’m not saying goodbye to us. I can’t.”

His words shouldn’t heal something inside me even as they gut me. I don’t know that I want him to believe what he’s saying, even if it gives me the kind of hope I desperately need right now.

“I should go, Beck,” I whisper, my throat too thick with emotion to talk.

“I miss you, Jordan. I love you.”

“I know. Me too,” I manage to get out before ending the call. My head collapses on my pillow, and I’m back to staring at the ceiling, the same one I’ve become way too familiar with this past week.

Chapter Six

Jordan

“Rise and shine!” Phoebe’s voice jolts me. She bounces on the bed as Wyatt pulls the shades up. It’s dark outside and I’m disoriented.

“What time is it?”

“Time for you to get your ass out of bed and out of this house,” Phoebe declares, pulling the covers off of me.

“Hey!” I try to tug them out of her hands but she’s too determined.

“It’s five. We’re going to the ice-skating rink,” Wyatt announces, hands on hips.

“Five at night?” I know my question is giving away just how screwed up I am, but there’s no hiding from these two.

“Yes. It’s Christmas Eve. We’ve spent the last hour hanging out with your parents,” Phoebe informs me as she throws a pair of jeans at me. “They’re worried about you. We promised them we wouldn’t let you skip out on our Christmas Eve plans.”

It’s not as if we spoke about them beforehand, but I guess after a decade of going to the rink on this day every year, it’s tradition. “They’re okay with me ice skating?”

“No, we’ll be watching with you while our parents all ice skate together. If you hurry we can catch the performances.”

There’s no point in arguing, so I put on the clothes Phoebe sends my way--jeans, boots, and a sweater.

“It’s about fifteen degrees out, by the way.” Wyatt turns from looking out the window while I changed. “You’ll need your big puffy jacket and a hat.”

“I didn’t bring any of that stuff to California with me so it’s