Brazen Girl by Ali Dean Page 0,12
stay away.”
Moses lets out a low whistle. “You go to the cops?”
Going through all this again, it’s bringing me out of the frozen state I’d been in, where I felt like I was slowly drowning. Now my blood is boiling, and I want to punch something. There’s nothing I can do about any of this. I’d get on a plane right now and fly to her if she’d let me hold her, but the last thing I want to do is bring more stress to her doorstep. She made it clear I’m not the source of comfort she wants, didn’t she? Sure, part of me thinks the head injury fueled her to break up with me, but if I don’t respect her decision, that makes me an asshole. No better than my own ex-girlfriend who wouldn’t let me go.
My phone rings from the coffee table and I start to reach for it. Naomi scoots forward before I can and reads the screen. “It’s a Connecticut number! I bet it’s her! Answer it, Beck!”
I don’t need to be told twice. Jumping up, I grab my cell from the table and start jogging up the stairs, not wanting four sets of ears listening. My old bedroom is a guest room now, and I head for it, shutting the door behind me as I answer.
“Hello?”
“Beck? It’s Jordan.”
My entire body sags, and before I know it, I’m sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. “Hey. How are you?” God, I have so much I want to say to her, but I try to play it cool.
“I’m… still recovering I guess.”
“You sound different.”
She sniffs, and I frown at the sound of it. “That’s what your sister said too.”
“Have you been crying? Jordan, are you okay?”
There’s another sniffle, and now my heart is breaking again, but it’s not for me this time.
Jordan
He deserves honesty, as much as I’m capable of giving. Am I okay? “I don’t know. Not really. I think I will be soon though.” I’m not making any sense, but the clarity I thought I had the day we broke up? It’s gone. Everything is blurry and foggy and I feel so lost.
“I feel bad calling you after what I did, but my friends said I should, and then Naomi and Summer said I should, so then I figured it was okay. I tried to cry out all my tears before I called you but I guess I wasn’t done.” They start to flow again, coming harder as I talk.
“You don’t have to cry out all your tears before calling me, Jordan. You can call me anytime. You know that, right?”
Just hearing his voice, this reassurance from him, it soothes me like nothing else has.
“I went to the neurologist yesterday. She made it seem like everything I’m experiencing is because of the concussion. But she doesn’t know everything else that’s been going on. And now I’m confused. I don’t know what’s what. I don’t know if I can trust my own head.”
I don’t even sound like myself. I’m usually decisive, upbeat, ready for the next adventure. But I’ve barely left my house since I got home, and the weirdest part is that I don’t even want to. If I’d gotten the all clear to skateboard from the doctor yesterday, would I be out there right now? It scares me that I don’t know the answer to that question.
Beck, however, sounds solid and sure when he responds. “I know this isn’t all about us, and I don’t want to turn it around to be about me. But you need to know I’m here for you, no matter what, okay? You can call anytime, don’t worry if it’s the right thing to do or not.”
I hear what he’s saying, but even as I tell him, “Okay,” I don’t know that I agree. I ended things. I can’t just keep leaning on him, treating him like my closest friend, even if that’s what I want to do. That’s not fair to him.
“So you said stuff is going on that your new doctor thinks is from the concussion. What kind of stuff?”
“Just sleeping a ton. Kind of mopey and down. Not wanting to go out and do anything with my parents or Phoebe and Wyatt.” Cue the guilt for calling him. All these things are break-up things, aren’t they? Sure I’m the one who did the breaking up, but that doesn’t mean I’m not torn up about it.
Beck’s voice is tentative when he offers, “I can still