to know that,” he admitted. “If they know how important it is to me, then they’ll know I’m devastated when I fail. I hate empathy as much as I hate failing. Besides, when you grow up with four brothers, what’s the point in trying to compete? I’d rather they think I don’t have a care in the world. The best victories come about when others don’t even know you’re in the competition until they’re watching you from behind.”
She actually smiled at that thought. “I never would’ve thought of that,” she finally said with a laugh. “Oh, how much easier my life would’ve been if everyone I know never had a clue of how much I like to win. I’ve always been the one to beat, making me in a constant competition,” she told him.
“It’s not very fun, is it?” he asked.
“No, not at all. My parents are perfect in every way. That’s a lot to live up to.”
He took in her words as they continued to walk. “My father was a monster, as you know, but my mom made up for it in spades by being strong but compassionate. She had an uphill battle raising us, but she never failed. That’s a lot to live up to as well.”
“I was wondering if how a person was raised affected how they behaved—if they were drawn toward a certain personality. I think it has some bearing, but I think we are just who we’re meant to be,” she said.
“I agree with that,” he said. “Because my father was raised in an incredible family, and he was a monster, while my mother was raised in a terrible family that caused her to have to be with my father, but she was still an incredible person. I do think we can make choices that change who we are for the better or for the worse, but at the end of the day, we are who we’re born to be—minus adding chemicals like drugs or alcoholism to the factor. That will completely change a person, even making them go crazy.”
She was shocked at how much she was enjoying her conversation with Brandon. She found herself not wanting this walk to end. She wondered if there was a chance the two of them could just be friends. The constant state of arousal she was feeling told her that would be nearly impossible.
“It appears both of us have done a lot in life,” she told him. “That might be our personalities or maybe the way we were raised. But we’ll never know for sure.”
Maybe she was feeling easier also because they were on neutral territory. They were walking, which always calmed her, not facing each other. It made talking to the man seem natural. When she’d faced him in his doorway, she’d nearly passed out. Now, her heart beat a little faster, but she didn’t feel a panic attack or a headache coming on. That was progress she could be proud of.
“I’ve done a lot with my life, but there’s so much more I want to accomplish,” he said after they’d made it another block down the road and turned a corner. She was coming up on the more expensive homes, the ones with the decorations that always awed her, the street that led down to the Diamond Hill place. She was far too close to where Brandon was now calling home for her comfort—especially at night, when her defenses were down.
“Have you lived all your dreams? What more do you want to do?” she asked.
He let out a sigh. She didn’t know what it meant. “I’ve definitely made some of my dreams come true,” he told her. “I’ve messed others up.” There was such intensity in those words she didn’t know what to think. “But I’ll never stop going after what I want.”
“That’s good,” she said, not questioning him on what dreams he hadn’t fulfilled. She was curious about it, but she was trying not to like him, and this conversation wasn’t helping with that one little bit.
“What dreams do you have left?” he asked.
“My dreams have always been pretty straightforward and maybe not that exciting to some people,” she said. “I wanted a restaurant of my own that was successful. So next, I want expansion. I like to be the best, and that’s very difficult to do in the world of food. There are too many people out there like me, so I think I want to continue to make amazing places in cities like