think about the consequences. You live for the moment, because you’re too stupid to see ahead.
My father paused here, gathering himself for the last part of the story. He looked actually pained. The color had drained from his face, and I could see the sorrow in his eyes.
It wasn’t sorrow for getting locked up, though. It wasn’t even sorrow for not being a part of his son’s entire life.
No, this was a much deeper, more mournful sorrow.
The guy wasn’t supposed to be home. The house was supposed to be empty. If it had been, my whole life would be different. But a freak snowstorm and canceled flight were all the difference between freedom and imprisonment, and also the difference between life and death.
Slowly, painfully, my father had related the remaining details of his sad, pathetic tale. The guy charged them. Ross pulled a gun. My father never even knew Ross to carry a gun, because he’d never carried one before, but suddenly the gun was going off and someone was screaming and my father was covered in another man’s blood.
Fuck.
In the end, we got away only we didn’t. Ross left a bloody print behind. He’d lost a glove in the scuffle, and they nailed him quickly. It took him all of twenty-four hours to rat me out, and then I was nailed too. Turns out you get virtually the same murder charge just for assisting in a crime as the person who actually pulls the trigger. Even when you never knew about that trigger…
I finally stopped talking and looked up into the faces of Kayla and Warren and Luke. It was nearly midnight, and the trailer was silent. But it was cozy now, all warmed up from a newly-working heater. It was furnished too, with second-hand couches we’d picked up at Goodwill and an old unused fridge from the back of the garage. The ceramic of the stove was cracked, and it only had two working burners out of four. The overhead lightbulbs were those shitty energy-saving spirals that cast a yellowish light, but they still did the job.
“I just wanted all of you to know the story,” I said thickly. “My whole life I’d been avoiding it, turning a deaf ear to whatever my old man had to say.” I sighed heavily. “Now, after all these years, I no longer blame him. I don’t resent him for leaving us. I forgive him for not being there.”
They stood around in the shitty yellow light, nodding their support and drinking the rest of the twelve-pack I’d picked up earlier in the week. I’d have to replace the beer before the old man showed up. I wanted to leave him at least something to look forward to in this lonely, quiet place.
“Also… thanks for this,” I said, waving my bottle around the trailer. “You didn’t have to help me. I never would’ve asked you to—”
“We help each other,” Warren cut in. “That’s what we do.”
“That’s what we’ve always done,” Luke offered, adding his best tension-cutting smile. “So you can shove your ‘thanks’ up your ass.”
It felt good to have them there, and damned good to be done, too. My father would go crazy when he saw the place. I realized in the back of my mind it was exactly what I wanted.
“I never imagined I’d be fixing this place up for him,” I said numbly. “Not in a million years.”
Kayla took my hand in hers. “Yeah, well it’s a good thing you did,” she said softly. “It’s the start of a whole new life for him. An all new beginning.”
I turned until we were nose to nose, mouth to mouth. From this angle I could count every blemish, every tiny freckle on her pretty face. Goddamn she was beautiful.
“Just like us,” she whispered, and then kissed me.
Forty-Two
KAYLA
The days were busy, with the guys working overtime to catch up on work at the garage. The nights were even busier. We occupied them with making plans for our future; to figure out what to do about the potential eviction while looking for new property in case we did have to move.
With the rest of our limited time at home we tried to relax, although that wasn’t always easy. With everything hanging over our heads, relaxation took a back seat to eternal worry. The guys were tense all over; I could feel it in their muscles, I could read it in their body language. Although always exhausted, they usually went to bed still full of