He heads out the side exit with a wave, and I walk out through the main doors.
I take off for the student center to get a slushie, my head down as I replay the class, wondering if somehow I missed him looking at me, but I know I didn’t. I just thought if there were any truth to him wanting me for me, he would have tried harder to convince me.
He let me go, and I guess that tells me everything.
Julia appears up ahead on the sidewalk and jogs over to me.
“Hey, you doing okay?” she asks, her eyes searching mine.
I nod.
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “You headed to grab some lunch?”
“Actually just a slushie, but I could be talked into pizza.” I pause. “I don’t want to go back to our room because that’s where we always…” I stop. “I’m trying to stay busy.”
Her lips tighten. “I’m so pissed at Z right now.”
“I’ll be okay.”
I’m lying. I’m counting down the days until I’m out of here and in law school—somewhere, anywhere else.
“I know you’re lying, but time will help. Come on.”
We take the steep steps up to the student center and walk into the spacious lobby. It’s filled with students getting lunch, but it’s the gorgeous twenty-foot stone lion fountain in the center of the room that catches my eye. It’s a hub for people to congregate and eat lunch on the fly.
Z sits on the ledge talking to Lola from Eric’s birthday party. He smiles at her and her hand is on his chest, tracing little circles on his shirt as she bats fluttery lashes up at him.
Air whooshes out of my chest.
Something breaks inside me, and I feel the tear, the agony of what it’s like to see the person you love with someone else.
Seeing Bennett with that girl at the Tipsy Moose doesn’t even compare.
My legs wobble for a second before I straighten up and square my shoulders.
“Sugar, wait. Let’s leave campus for lunch…” It’s Julia with her hand on my arm, trying to shield me, but I brush her off, my steps moving closer.
I get within about twenty feet of them, and I can’t go any closer. My heart is lead as I lean against the wall next to the pizza place for support. People come and go, crossing in front of me, carrying food and talking and laughing, but I don’t even notice.
I can’t stop looking at them. He’s right there. With someone.
I have no grounds to be angry. I ended it and—
She’s touching him.
And he’s letting her.
The world collapses as his gaze drifts up, so goddamn slow, and when his eyes meet mine…there is zilch there.
My heart stutters.
Lola says something and he looks at her.
My eyes close. How can he be with someone else when I feel like I’m dying inside?
“Let’s go,” Julia is saying, but I don’t budge. Maybe…maybe I need to see this. I need to see that he can just go straight from me to someone else.
I love you. Forever.
He was never really mine.
I turn from them and walk away.
36
Sugar
I’m coming out of the library a few days later, and Eric is waiting for me. He texted earlier and asked to see me, and when I told him no, he resorted to sending me every emoji he could type, mostly ones with sweets. He swore he would blow up my phone if I didn’t give him five minutes.
I walk down the marble steps and stop in front of him.
He’s got workout gear on and a Lions cap on top of his wild red hair. His beard is longer than I’ve seen it in a while. I figure he’s coming from a late afternoon workout session. Part of me is giddy to see him because I miss his smiling face and he’s a connection to Z, but the rest of me aches, knowing Z isn’t with him.
I force a big smile. “You look like a grizzly bear. Also, please stop sending me the pie emoji.”
“Nice to see you too, babe.” He swoops down and picks me up for a twirl, and several people stop and stare at us. A few guys call out and two girls run over to say hi. One of them presses her number into his hand, and he tucks it in his jacket pocket, a sly smile on his face.
I shake my head, feeling just…tired. “It just never ends with y’all.”
He gives me a look as we take off toward my dorm. “I’m