a lot of sex—because he was good at it. “Can I ask you something personal? Or will you—”
“You can ask me anything, chérie.”
My eyes lifted to meet his again, my finger halting. He gave me everything I wanted when he let go of my indiscretion. It felt like a relationship, husband and wife without marriage, the two of us together in passion and commitment. I couldn’t lie to myself and pretend it wasn’t the best relationship I’d ever had, even though it was wrong. “Do you have relationships like ours or…?”
“I’ve never taken a woman from the camp. I’ve never fucked a woman at the camp. I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you, never been committed or monogamous. I’ve never had a woman the way I’ve had you, with nothing between us except each other. The women I occupy myself with are whores or socialites. But they feel the same to me, and the only difference is I pay for one and not the other.”
My eyes dropped once again, looking at where my finger lay between two groups of muscle. His promiscuity was satisfied with a single woman—me. And I didn’t see how I’d earned that. He was the one who was the fantastic lover. All I had to do was let him have me. “I understand why he hates me, then…”
After I fell asleep, he carried me to my bedroom and placed me on the mattress. When he pulled the sheets and duvet on top of me, it woke me up, because the cotton was cold, not warm like his body.
I opened my eyes and looked at him over me.
He stilled as he looked at me. His eyes shifted back and forth before he leaned down and kissed me on the mouth. “Goodnight, chérie.”
Before he could pull away, I grabbed his forearm. “Stay with me.” I didn’t want to stay in this cold room alone. I wanted to be in his bedroom, with the fire slowly dying down, with his immense size heating the sheets throughout the night. I wanted his big arms around me, acting as a cage that kept me enclosed in his safety.
His eyes didn’t soften at the request like they did when I asked for him in other ways. “It’s not you, chérie. Don’t ask me again.” He gently pulled his arm away from my grasp.
“If you want me in a way you’ve never wanted anyone else, then why?” I’d become entitled now that he gave me things I asked for, but this was something I wanted more than the trivial requests I made.
His eyes turned annoyed, like he just wanted to go to bed and not have this conversation. But he didn’t bark at me. “I can’t let my guard down around anyone. This is the final time I’ll address it. Do you understand me?”
“No, I don’t understand. Let your guard down?” I was actually hurt by the statement. “Does that…do you think I’d ever hurt you?” He’d put his gun on the dresser, and I never took it. I could find a weapon in any room and fight back if I wanted to, but the thought never crossed my mind. Not only was that not me, not who I was, but I had no desire to ever lay a hand on him.
He held my gaze for a long time, his eyes shifting back and forth, his breathing growing deeper. “It’s not you, chérie. Not you.”
Fourteen
Hidden Desires
Fender
I sat behind my desk with the phone pressed to my ear. “Hand it off to Jeremy’s crew. They’ll take everything back to headquarters.” I hung up without saying goodbye, tossing the phone on the surface.
I had to return to the camp, so I rushed to finish up my affairs.
Gilbert entered with a couple folders. “Sir, Pascale just dropped these off at your request.” He set them on the edge of the desk. “I’ve made all your arrangements for your departure. The president has requested a dinner with you when you return. Shall I go ahead and schedule that?”
“Yes.”
“For three, it is.”
“Four.”
He gave a slight nod, understanding I referred to Melanie. “Of course.” He gave a bow before he turned away.
My eyes drilled into his back. “Gilbert.”
He halted without turning around, like he could detect what was on the horizon just from my tone. No one knew me better than he did because it was his job to know what I wanted without having to ask, to conduct his day based on my mood, to