ache for the past I could have had with eighteen-year-old Luke Thayer. But it’s too late for that.
Right now, I’m wondering if there could be a future for me with thirty-four-year-old Luke Thayer.
_____
We devour our lobster rolls, then head back to Luke’s car. It’s getting late and he looks exhausted. It occurs to me that he woke up at God knows what time and has been working pretty much nonstop ever since. And it’s Sunday, for God’s sake.
“Don’t you ever take a break?” I ask him as he turns on the engine.
“Never,” he replies. “I like to be active.”
“When was the last time you took a vacation?”
“I don’t know. Maybe 2016?”
“What’s the point of having so much money if you can’t enjoy it?”
He glances at me for a second. He’s pushing his way through the traffic in Harvard Square, being his usual aggressive self. I don’t know how he can drive like this. I’m having palpitations just watching. “I enjoy working,” he says simply.
How could that be? Even if he likes his job, everyone needs a vacation every once in a while. He must miss going to Greece. But maybe it isn’t as much fun if you don’t have someone to go with.
Somehow the drive back to my apartment is quiet, other than the honks of horns as Luke barrels through traffic. Every minute or two, I steal a glance over at Luke, although I’m careful not to stare. He’s incredibly good-looking, more so than any other guy I’ve ever known. Certainly more so than any man I’ve dated. I notice for the first time that his temples are starting to gray a bit, which only gives him more character. Men are lucky in that respect. My gray hairs just make me look old, which is why I yank them out.
He parks behind my building on a quiet street, under a large tree. “Thanks for dinner,” he says to me. “I had a great time.”
I laugh. “My pleasure.” I felt a little ridiculous forking over thirty bucks when Luke had paid so much for my outfit yesterday. “Thanks for the dress. It’s really beautiful.”
“You look just as good in this one,” he says earnestly. “Or… in anything, really.”
I can see the way he’s looking at me and it’s like the last sixteen years disappear. Nothing has changed.
I swallow a thick lump in my throat. “Luke…”
“I’m sorry, Ellie,” he says in a low voice. “I’m sure this is an HR disaster because I’m your boss, but I can’t help it. Ever since I saw you again, I can’t stop thinking about you. You do something to me. I can’t…”
His eyes meet mine and suddenly he leans forward and presses his lips against mine. I remember the lustful, drunken kiss (my first) that he and I shared sixteen years ago, but this is so much better. I wouldn’t say Luke is out of practice or anything, but I can tell it’s been a long time for him by the way his hands shake a bit as he touches me and how his tongue explores my mouth eagerly, like a man who’s been in a desert for months and finally got a sweet taste of water.
On my part, I don’t push him away. I know I should, because of all the men I’ve ever met, Luke is the most wrong for me. He’s too rich, too high-class, and just… I don’t know, wrong. But for reasons I can’t entirely understand, I’m ridiculously attracted to him. I always have been. And now that he’s disabled and not perfect anymore, I’m even more attracted to him.
He pulls away from me for air. “Ellie,” he whispers in my ear. “Are you okay?”
I hesitate for a moment, then nod.
He smiles and shrugs off his jacket. In his plain white shirt, I can tell he still has fantastic shoulders. I reach out and touch his deltoids as he leans forward to kiss me again. “Ellie,” he whispers again. “Your apartment? Is there a back entrance?”
I shake my head. “No. And I’m on the second floor, no elevator.”
“Shit,” he mutters. I see the frustration on his face. “Okay, so… here, I guess?”
No, I can’t. I shouldn’t...
Except after I successfully turned him down sixteen years ago, I don’t have the willpower to do it a second time. So I nod and kiss him, and suddenly, we’re making out like he just returned home from war. The intensity increases, until his lips slide down the side of my neck, and his