him some fresh water. As I opened the refrigerator, he followed me, still meowing in some weird cat howl.
“What?” I asked him.
His orange tail twitched as he stared at me. And then he ran from the room. I crinkled my eyebrows and followed him into the living room where he sat in front of my mom, his tail beating the floor. Something shifted in my stomach.
“Mom?” I asked. Silence.
My fingers curled into fists as I walked over to her chair, leaned down and looked into her face. The knitting needles had fallen to the carpet. I picked them up and set them on the blanket next to her wilted hands.
Astral howled so loud, I jumped a foot in the air.
“Mom.” She didn’t move.
“Hey, wake up,” I said a little louder. Her breathing never faltered, her face slack in a peaceful expression. I really hated to wake her up, but I was more than a little freaked out by her unresponsiveness. It reminded me too much of the last couple of days. I took in a deep breath to calm my rattling nerves.
I placed my hand on her warm skin and shook her arm. “Mom, wake up.”
My fingernails carved lines into my palms as panic bubbled up in my throat. My shoulders clenched into knots. I smeared my sweaty palms against my jeans and shook her harder, fighting back the urge to scream. “MOM!”
Nothing. Nothing at all. The bitter taste of blood filled my mouth, and I realized my teeth were clenched tight on the insides of my cheeks.
Mom didn’t move, didn’t open her eyes, didn’t slow her breathing. It was like she couldn’t hear me. Like she had no idea I was here. A familiar scent pressed in around me, like something stale and rotten lurked somewhere nearby. I’d only smelled this once before. In Kylie’s house. When she was dying. My ragged breaths shook my body as all warmth swept out of me until I was left feeling frigid, my only emotion bitter fear.
“MOM!” I screamed, falling on my knees, “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom!”
I choked on my words. My hands dug ruts into the carpet. I gasped for breath, tears pouring out of my eyes and down my cheeks.
I shook her even harder, her body rocking back and forth, the blanket falling off her skin. My hands shuddered like an earthquake as I shoved the bone needles toward her and forced her fingers to close around them.
“Help.” I sobbed into her arms, hoping someone could hear me, hoping someone could make her better. “Someone please help.”
My mom wasn’t here anymore. She was gone.
CHAPTER 20
Sometime later, I found myself in the shower with steaming water pouring over me while I stood there fully clothed, shivering even though I could feel the warmth of the water. Time seemed to have slipped by, and all I could remember was freaking out because of my mom.
Mom. I groaned and placed my cheek against the blue tiles.
She wasn’t coming back. Not on her own. I knew it as well as I knew a shaman when I laid eyes on one. I didn’t know how, and I didn’t know why, but I knew it in my bones.
I turned off the water, wrapped a towel around my dripping clothes and headed to my room. After I changed, I fell onto my bed, the mattress springs squealing.
Mom wasn’t coming back on her own, but maybe it wasn’t too late for me to bring her back with the special incantation. I knew now that I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try. Getting a glimpse of what it would feel like to lose her, seeing how vulnerable and innocent she looked…I shuddered.
Life comes with hard choices, right? Not everything is black and white, right or wrong. Anthony said the spirit wouldn’t even come close to killing anyone, just feed and go. In the end, the loss of a sliver of one person’s life—maybe just a month or two—was worth it to completely save another.
Right?
I just couldn’t think of who I was willing to do something like that to. It would have to be a stranger, no one personally connected to me. No way I’d ever be able to look anyone I knew in the eyes after hurting them, especially since I might not be able to look at my own face in the mirror ever again.
Me.
That was the perfect solution. I didn’t have to summon the spirit into someone else’s room. I could summon it into