Blood Promise Page 0,117

me a bracelet encrusted with opals and tiny diamonds, almost like it was no big deal. The bracelet was dazzling, and each opal shone with a thousand colors. "Wow. It's... it's gorgeous." I slipped it on my wrist, yet somehow, gifts like this didn't mean as much anymore.

With a satisfied look, he leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. He headed for the door then and left me lying back against the couch, trying desperately to think of anything else except how I wished he would turn around and bite me.

The rest of the day was agonizing.

I'd always read about addicts, about how hard a time people had breaking away from alcohol or illegal drugs. I'd even once witnessed a feeder go kind of crazy when he was removed from service. He'd grown too old, and it was considered hazardous to his health to keep on giving blood to Moroi. I'd watched in amazement as he begged and pleaded to be allowed to stay, how he'd sworn he didn't mind the risk. Even though I'd known he had an addiction, I just couldn't understand why it would be so worth it for him to risk his life like that. Now I did.

In those hours that passed, I would have risked my life to be bitten again. That was actually kind of funny because if I did allow another bite, I would be risking my life. I had no doubt more of that cloudy thinking would lead to an acceptance of Dimitri's offer. But with each miserable, bite deprived second that passed, my thoughts grew incrementally sharper. Oh, I was still a long way away from being free of the dreamy haze of vampire endorphins. When we'd been captured in Spokane, Eddie had been used as a Strigoi blood source, and it had taken him days to recover.

Each bit of clarity now made me realize how important it was for me to stay bite free. Not that that knowledge made it any easier on my body.

I had some serious problems here. It seemed like either way, I was destined to become a Strigoi. Dimitri wanted to turn me so that we could reign together as the vampiric equivalent of Bonnie and Clyde. Nathan wanted to turn me in the hopes of hunting down Lissa-and then kill me. Clearly, Dimitri's option was more appealing, but not by much. Not anymore.

Yesterday, I would have said becoming a Strigoi was something I wasn't going to worry about too much. Now, the harsh reality of what it truly meant hit me, and my old feelings returned. Suicide versus existence as a creature of evil. Of course, being a creature of evil meant I could be with Dimitri...

Except it wasn't Dimitri. Was it? It was all so confusing. I again tried to remind myself of what he'd said long ago-that no matter how much a Strigoi seemed like the person I used to know, they weren't. Yet this Dimitri said he'd been wrong about that.

"It's the endorphins, Rose. They're like drugs..." I groaned and buried my face in my hands as I sat on the couch, the TV droning in the background. Lovely. I was talking to myself now.

Supposing I could break this hold Dimitri had over me and this addled state that kept making me think I'd misunderstood Strigoi... well, then what? I was back to the original dilemma. No weapons to fight Strigoi with. No weapons with which to kill myself. I was back at their mercy, but at least now I was closer to putting up a good fight. Sure, it would be a losing fight, but I felt that if I stayed off the endorphins a little longer, I'd at least be able to take down Inna. That had to count for something.

And there it was. Off the endorphins. Each time my mind ran through my options and hit a wall, I would spiral back to the physical reality in front of me. I wanted that high back. I wanted that haze of joy back. I needed it back, or surely, I would die. That would be what killed me and freed me from being a Strigoi...

"Damn it!"

I stood up and began pacing around, hoping to distract myself. TV wasn't doing it; that was for sure. If I could just hold out a little longer, I could shake the drug from my system, I could figure out how to save myself and Lissa, and Lissa!

Without any debate, I dove into her.