Blood Promise Page 0,116
were spinning through my mind. I had always thought we were meant to be together. And he had once told me he'd always be there for me. I'd always wanted that too-but I had wanted to be there for him in return. I wanted us to be equals, always watching each other's backs.
Today hadn't been like that. I'd been defenseless. Weak. Never, never in my life had I been like that. Even in horrible, outmatched moments, I'd put up a decent fight. At the very least, I'd had the will to fight. Not now. I'd been terrified. I'd been ineffectual. I hadn't been able to do anything except sit there pathetically and wait for someone to rescue me. I'd let a human get the best of me.
Dimitri said me becoming Strigoi was the solution. For the last week, he'd said that over and over, and while I hadn't agreed to it, I hadn't been as repulsed as I once had been. Lately, it had become a thought floating around out there, a far-off way for us to be together. And I did want to be together, especially in moments like this, when we kissed and desire crackled around both of us.
But this time... the desire wasn't quite as intense as usual. It was still there, but I couldn't shake the image of how he'd just been. It occurred to me with startling clarity that I was making out with a Strigoi. And that was... weird.
Breathing heavy, Dimitri pulled away from my lips for a moment and stared at me. Even with that composed Strigoi expression, I could see that he wanted me-in a lot of ways. It was confusing. He was Dimitri and not Dimitri. Leaning back down, he kissed my cheek, then my chin, and then my neck. His mouth opened wider, and I started to feel the points of his fangs...
"No," I blurted out.
He froze. "What did you say?" My heart started thumping again, as I braced myself for more rage.
"Um... no. Not this time."
He pulled back and looked at me, seeming both shocked and annoyed. When he didn't respond, I began to ramble.
"I don't feel good... I'm hurt. I'm afraid to lose the blood, even though I want..." Dimitri always said I couldn't lie to him, but I had to try. I put on my best, most passionate and innocent face. "I want it... I want to feel the bite... but I want to rest first, get stronger..."
"Let me awaken you, and you'll be strong again."
"I know," I said, still keeping my voice slightly frantic. I looked away, hoping to increase the facade of confusion. Okay, with my life lately, faking confusion wasn't that hard. "And I'm starting to think..."
I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Starting to think what?"
I turned back to him, hoping I could convince him I was seriously considering turning. "I'm starting to think that I don't ever want to be weak again."
I could see it in his face. He believed me. But then, that last part hadn't been a lie. I didn't want to be weak.
"Please... I just want to rest. I need to think about it a little more."
There it was, the moment this all weighed on. The truth was, I wasn't just lying to him. I was lying to myself. Because seriously? I wanted that bite. Badly. I'd already gone a long time without one, and my body was screaming for it. I needed the endorphins, needed them more than air or food. And yet, in only one day without them, I'd gained a tiny shard of clarity. The part of me that wanted nothing more than the joy of ignorant ecstasy didn't care about my mind growing clearer, yet I knew, deep inside, that I had to try for a little bit more, even if it meant depriving myself of what I most wanted.
After a lot of thought, Dimitri nodded and stood up. He'd read my words like I'd reached a turning point and was on the verge of accepting. "Rest, then," he said. "And we'll talk later. But Rose... we only have two days."
"Two days?"
"Until Galina's deadline. That's how long she gave us. Then I make the decision for you."
"You'll awaken me?" I wasn't entirely sure if death was on the table anymore.
"Yes. It'll be better for all of us if we don't reach that point." He got off the bed and stood up. He paused a moment and reached into his pocket.
"Oh. I brought you this."
He handed