Confession do-over?” Lucy took a deep breath. And the mood within the cabinet changed. He leaned in closer to the screen and pressed his ear against it. “I don’t want this to come out the wrong way, but is there something wrong with me?”
“I’m not getting you.”
Sebastian barely got his thought out before she steamrolled over it, her frustration, barely kept in check until now, boiling over.
“You’re always siding with them. I don’t know if it’s some kind of passive-aggressive thing to punish me for being ambitious or if you just hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Lucy.”
“People have all these false preconceptions about me. I’m not what they think.”
She was overwhelmed. The bruises, the storm. The tears, like her feelings, began to flow, slowly at first and then in torrents as she hunched over, heaved, and covered her mouth to keep the others from hearing.
“You don’t have to change a thing for me or anyone.”
“I mean, we have much more in common. Don’t tell them I said that, but it’s so obvious, don’t you think? I feel like we connected immediately. That never happens to me.”
Sebastian couldn’t get a word out but thought it wouldn’t matter even if he had. This was a one-way conversation for the moment.
“Besides,” she sobbed. “I was here first!”
It was a childish rant but winning and heartfelt in its petulance.
“I’m not choosing anyone over you.”
She cleared her throat, a wild mood swing suddenly overtook her. She straightened her back. “Good, because I still have my pride. I’m not here to play sister wives.”
The ultimatum hit Sebastian hard and hit him the wrong way.
“And this is not the Chicken Ranch,” he said adamantly. “Look into my eyes.”
She lifted her bloodshot orbs and matted lashes and connected with his through the small opening, like two lonely prisoners in adjoining cells.
“You are here for a reason.”
“I know I am. I’m here for you.”
He didn’t answer.
It was not the validating response she was hoping for. She felt herself in competition now, in this place of all places, just like she was out there, in her everyday life. Lucy had hoped to hide out from the drama, to leave the game for a while, but it seemed to have followed her inside. As in her everyday life, she was determined not to lose.
“I’m putting myself out there for you. I need to know where I stand.”
“I couldn’t choose among you. I won’t.”
Rejection was foreign to Lucy. She hadn’t been with many guys, but it was pretty much assumed that she could have her pick. And not just by her. Jesse would kill to see me like this, she thought, but it was a state that no man besides her dad had ever been able to put her in. Sebastian was making her work. Making her think. Making her feel.
“What are you doing to me? I’m not like this.”
“Like what?”
“Needy,” she leaned in and whispered.
“I need you, too.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Never.”
“I’m confused. I want to trust you.”
“Then trust me.”
She picked up her votive, puckered her lips, and softly blew it out. And relaxed.
“When I was small, my grandmother would light a candle by my bed at night. After she was done tucking me in, she would let me blow it out. If the stream of smoke went down, it meant I was going to hell. If it went up, it meant that I was going to heaven. She made sure that it always went up by secretly blowing, steering it with her breath. I went to bed every night with a smile on my face. I believed her. Just like I believe you.”
Lucy looked down at the extinguished wick and noticed the smoke from it was rising. She could feel his breath blowing it. She moved in and brought her mouth to the screen. Loose and relaxed. She opened it slightly, seductively, pressing her lips against the grid.
He leaned forward.
Lucy shut her eyes.
He took his fingers and traced her lips through the screen.
Her tears fell onto the screen, forming tiny square prisms in their path.
“I’m just so tired of putting on a show.”
“Never apologize for who you are.”
“I hate hiding who I really am,” she said. “I feel like you know what I mean.”
“I do.”
The drive to the pastoral residence in Queens was fraught with flooded roads and disabled streetlights, but Frey was determined. It was near closing time as he pulled into a parking space and walked quickly through the pouring rain toward the main entrance. The elderly receptionist had