the backwaters of Lapin. It wasn't the best start in life.
He showed some talent with words, so they'd taught him to write. But reading didn't interest him. Stories seemed pointless; they weren't real. Instead, he turned his talent to charm and lies. He learned early on how the right words could turn an adult's wrath to indulgent chuckling. He learned, later, how they could induce a woman to take him to bed.
There had been many women since, but only one that meant anything.
The barman put a mug down in front of him. He picked it up and drank from it. His eyes flicked back to the mirror. He couldn't help it.
He needed to check he was still there.
What's wrong with me?
It had started soon after they landed at Thornlodge Hollow. At first he'd thought he was just rattled. He'd nearly flown the Ketty Jay into the side of a valley, and that was bound to shake anyone up. But days passed and he still felt the same. He'd scraped past death before and it hadn't bothered him particularly. What was different this time?
It was the thought that sprang into his head, in that moment when he really believed he was going to die.
What will I leave behind?
He couldn't think of a single thing. No property, no family. If he was erased right now, what evidence would there be that he'd lived? What was he worth, except a few drunken toasts from a loyal crew? There were six people in his life he could count as friends, and they were a rag-tag bunch at best.
Suddenly, it didn't seem enough.
What about Retribution Falls, eh? he asked himself. You pretty much saved the Coalition back then!
He felt a small surge of pride as he remembered the events of the previous winter, when he'd been framed for the murder of the Archduke's son. In the process of wriggling out of that particular predicament, he ended up averting a coup against the Archduke by leading the Navy to a hidden pirate army at Retribution Falls.
But even that didn't feel like much, if he was honest. He didn't give a toss about the Coalition. One Archduke was much the same as the other to him. He hadn't been acting out of noble intentions; he'd been trying to save his own hide. And besides, the only people who knew about his involvement were some Navy personnel and a few Century Knights. Better that way. If the pirate community ever found out about his rather spectacular betrayal, he wouldn't last long.
It didn't mean anything. Nothing meant anything.
He swigged his grog. The year since Retribution Falls had been squandered, like all the years before it. The money they made had been spent. And now here they were again, living day-to-day, scrabbling for enough ducats to keep the Ketty Jay in the sky. Silo would need parts for the engine, of that he was sure. Frey wouldn't have enough to buy them. It was a miserable state of affairs.
He wondered what would have happened if they'd got away from Retribution Falls with all the treasure, instead of the measly portion he ended up with. Would he have used it to buy a tavern, perhaps? Would he have settled down with a sweetheart and raised children? Or would he have wasted it on games of Rake with ever-higher stakes?
It wasn't even a question, really.
His whole life he'd been obsessed with defending his freedom. Freedom from commitments and responsibility. He'd dreamed of a buccaneer's life, of riches and adventure. But somehow the riches always eluded him, and what adventures he had were less than romantic in reality.
Living without anchors had its consequences. It was dangerously easy to drift.
His thoughts were interrupted by the smell of perfume. He looked to his left. There, on a stool, was the pretty redhead who'd been watching him in the other room. She brushed her hair behind one ear and gave him a shy smile.
'Hello,' she said.
Later, when they were together beneath the covers, he tried to make himself care about her. He thought about the hopes and dreams she'd bored him with on the way to her bedroom, and attempted to feel something. That was what a decent man would do, surely?
But whenever he closed his eyes, he saw a corn-haired young woman, as he'd known her before her life turned to death and tragedy. A woman he'd almost married, but ruined instead.
The redhead's slender body moved beneath him, but it was Trinica Dracken he felt