head, and you may never be exactly the same woman you used to be. Hell, we’re defined by our life experiences, but this won’t change who you are, Harlow. I promise it won’t, and I’ll be with you every step of the way until you tell me to fuck off because you don’t need me around anymore. You got that?”
Feeling mesmerized, I nodded slowly. “I’m scared, Jax,” I confessed. “I’ve never been depressed or unreasonably fearful. I’m not even a functional or useful human being anymore.”
“Yes, you are. You’re just not seeing who you are right now. Just consider this the downtime that you need to regroup, and for fuck’s sake, cut yourself some slack. I get that you feel guilty about Mark and Taylor, but neither of those things were your fault. I hate the fact that as your employer, I sent you into that goddamn country in the first place. I could easily take the blame for what happened to every single one of you in Lania, but that shit would eat me alive. The truth is, it wasn’t anybody’s fault, Harlow. It was a random incident that nobody could have predicted. You got that?”
“I’m not sure—”
“No. Fuck the uncertainty, Harlow. Tell me you got that, because if you don’t, I’ll sit right here and tell you that a million times until you internalize it. If it wasn’t my damn fault, then it wasn’t yours either, right? Think about it, Harlow, and use that brilliant reasoning ability I know that you have inside that intelligent brain of yours. Do you think I’m to blame because I was the asshole who sent you to Lania in the first place?”
Jax wasn’t to blame, nor were any of the Montgomery brothers. It was a routine exploration to a country that was known to be safe. “Of course I don’t think it’s your fault,” I said softly. “You couldn’t have known what would happen. It would be like expecting you to be psychic and predict all of the mass shootings in this country or something similar.”
He lifted a brow as he continued to hold my gaze. “If you can process that truth, then why in the hell are you blaming yourself? You couldn’t have known what would happen, either. You made your decisions based on the fact that Lania was perfectly safe for international travel, which was true. Montgomery sent you there with that same assumption. There was nothing wrong with any of the decisions you made. Taking Taylor to Lania, and inviting Mark to join your team were both perfectly reasonable things to do. Now, tell me you got that.”
My mind started to spin.
If I really reached for sanity and reason, what he was saying made sense.
“Harlow,” he said in a persuasive baritone.
Tears started to pour down my cheeks as I slowly nodded. I was panting with emotional turmoil as I finally said, “Rationally, I know you’re right, but I’m not sure I can turn off the negative thoughts in my head.”
“Hold on to your reason as often as you can,” he suggested. “Once you manage to internalize the truth, everything will change. It won’t happen overnight, Harlow, but it will happen once you can change those thought patterns. Keep telling yourself that it isn’t your fault over and over, and keep reminding yourself that you don’t have the power to predict random incidents that never should have happened. Nobody does. Not even the all-powerful co-CEOs of Montgomery Mining, and there’s very little we can’t do.”
I let out a startled laugh as I realized that he was actually mocking himself and Montgomery with his pseudo arrogance.
I swiped the tears from my face as I muttered, “God knows I’m not nearly as powerful as any of the Montgomery brothers.”
Jax winked at me mischievously. “Glad we got that straight. Now let’s go for a walk. Molly could probably use a short outing.”
And just like that…I went from feeling a little better to complete panic mode in a matter of seconds.
Jax
The moment I saw the panic on Harlow’s face, I felt like a complete asshole.
Christ! Maybe I should take back the walk suggestion, and tell her we don’t have to leave her apartment right now.
Yeah, I had some experience in dealing with post-traumatic stress, but I wasn’t a damn therapist. I was flying by the seat of my pants with nothing to really guide me except instinct and my own previous struggles.
My intuition was telling me to get her outside and into the fresh