get myself a pet.” He took a sip of his coffee and swallowed before he added, “I’m not sure which one helped more, the therapy or the dog, but having that constant canine companion did help. Dogs don’t judge. They accept you exactly as you are as long as you’re good to them.”
I automatically opened my mouth to respond, but Jax had stunned me into silence. I took a very slow sip of my coffee to wrap my mind around what he’d just said.
I guess I’d never expected Jax to just throw out the fact that he’d suffered from some PTSD after getting out of Special Forces. I knew that the elite military group had a high number of guys who suffered from it, and there wasn’t a single shameful thing about admitting that. In fact, my respect for him as a person had just multiplied because he could so easily talk about something that must have made him pretty vulnerable at the time.
I swallowed hard as I realized that Jax was laying out his past experience to make me more at ease. He wanted me to know that he’d been there, done that, and survived it.
He wants me to feel comfortable talking to him. That’s why he shared.
My heart melted just a little as he shot me an earnest green-eyed gaze.
Suddenly, I knew exactly why he put his time and effort into helping other veterans suffering with PTSD. He’d been through it himself, and he wanted to help others with the same issues. Since I was a veteran myself, that touched me more than I wanted to admit.
It would have been easier for a rich, successful guy like Jax to put it behind him and never think about what had happened to him again once he’d resolved his issues.
The fact that he hadn’t, and was willing to talk about it so freely had taken me by surprise.
I finally nodded. “Thank you for what you’re doing. I was active duty Air Force for six years, but I never saw combat. I never even had to leave the country. I guess I was lucky because my MOS felt more like a technical job.”
Jax shook his head. “Marshall told me, and don’t downplay the importance of your support role in missions. What you did was important, Harlow, whether you worked in a combat zone or not.”
I shot him a weak smile. “Thanks. I kind of miss the comradery sometimes. Maybe that’s why I want to help out with Last Hope. Did Marshall tell you I offered my weather specialist services?”
“He did,” Jax said cautiously. “And I’m not against the idea because we could use that help, but we can’t even consider it until you get your head on straight, Harlow. We have to have every team member strong, no matter what their role is in Last Hope,” he said bluntly.
My first instinct was to tell Jax that I was fine, but I knew I wasn’t. “I want to be that person again, but I’m not sure I can be,” I told him in a shaky voice. I was so tired of trying to hide the way I felt that I kept talking. “I can’t pretend like it didn’t happen. I can’t make the nightmares go away. I can’t get rid of the fear of being out in the open, where something could happen all over again. I hate the fact that fear and guilt have made me a completely different woman than I was before this happened, but I can’t change it. God, after what happened to Mark and Taylor, I don’t know if I have the right to be any happier than I am right now.”
“Hell, yes, you do!” Jax said gruffly. “Don’t let a bunch of asshole rebels continue to run your life. If you do, they fucking win.”
I startled as Molly pawed at my leg, stood up, and nudged my face with her snout.
I reached out to stroke her head. “What?” I asked her in a softer voice.
“She can sense your distress,” Jax explained. “She’s trying to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m okay, girl,” I cooed as I stroked her body and patted the space next to me. “Down.”
Apparently satisfied, Molly plopped back down beside me.
“Look at me, Harlow,” Jax demanded.
I looked up, and our gazes locked.
For some reason, I was comforted by the unwavering certainty in his eyes.
“You will get through this,” he said calmly. “One step at a time. I know what happened to you messed with your