I nodded. “It was, but I’m completely capable of understanding that the sexual assault was completely different from a relationship with mutual consent. I’m a Tai Chi master, and I’ve been highly trained to live in a state of mindfulness since my early-teens. That’s means I’ve learned to always turn my attention to the present moment without judgment, and be open to new experiences and new emotions. Yes, I’ve had some bad dreams, and right after the kidnapping, I had flashbacks. I’m still working on that stuff with the aid of intensive counseling. My therapist told me that every person deals with trauma and sexual assault differently, and that sometimes, it can take a long time to work through it and have a normal sexual relationship. I completely understand why, and it might take me a while to deal with all of my subconscious issues, but for me, everything I went through during the kidnapping, and the way I feel about Hudson are completely separate experiences. I don’t associate what happened in Lania with anything that happens right now with Hudson. For a while, I thought I was just weird, but my therapist assured me that my brain is perfectly okay, and that it’s dealing with my experiences in its own, unique way. However, Hudson doesn’t get it. I think he’s still trying to protect me, even though I don’t really need a caretaker anymore. Now that I’ve been able to go back to some of my Tai Chi practices, I’m actually more focused.”
Riley rolled her eyes. “Get used to the protective behavior. Seth’s protective instinct never went away, and I doubt Hudson’s will, either. And I agree with your counselor that you should deal with your trauma and assault issues however they manifest, not like somebody else thinks you should react. Every woman is unique, with vastly different histories and experiences.”
“Sometimes, I wish I had the damn sex appeal to just seduce him,” I mumbled.
“Oh, you do,” Riley said with a smirk. “You just haven’t used those skills…yet.”
Taylor
One week later, I was more than ready to dig for any hidden seduction skills I had just to get Hudson to lose control.
I was completely over letting him make me come with all our clothes on. Granted, he was pretty damn creative, but it just didn’t feel right to me anymore. I wanted to touch him, but every single time my eager hand reached for his cock, he stopped that action before I could even get started.
I’d made a lot of progress in evening out our lopsided relationship.
Hudson had started going into his office last Monday, so I’d happily taken over the cooking every day. Not that it was exactly a big chore since he had a kitchen that would probably make a chef weep with joy, but I also baked every single day.
Like Hudson, Mac had loved anything sweet, so I’d taught myself how to make just about every dessert on the planet. I still loved trying new recipes, but I hadn’t really had the free time to do much baking during my years at Stanford.
Now, I had more free time on my hands than I wanted.
My physical therapist was cutting me loose in two weeks, and we’d scaled back my sessions to once a week since most of our work revolved around my Tai Chi routines, and making sure I could tolerate the faster, harder martial arts movements.
I’d still continue to see my therapist once a week to keep dealing with some of the trauma of the kidnapping, but I hadn’t had a single nightmare since the time I’d woken up screaming.
Now that I was back into my Tai Chi every single day, my mind was much calmer, and my body was stronger. I finally felt like myself again.
“I got a job offer today,” I told Hudson as we were finishing our dinner at the dining room table.
His head jerked up and he looked at me with a puzzled expression. “Where? I thought Jax talked to you last week about taking the position we have available with our conservation research team.”
I sighed. Jax had spoken to me about that job. It was a position I coveted, and was so relevant to my specialty area, but I just didn’t feel like I had the experience to accept it. “I told him I’d think about it. I already had resumes out, and I did several