like, for instance, they think it helps for the girls to care for animals."
"I don't see anything wrong with that," Biggie said.
"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, did I?" Butch pushed his plate away then turned his chair sidewise, crossed his legs, and pointed his toes. "All I'm saying is, it's different. They spend a lot of time outside at night, too. They call it 'moon bathing,' think they draw positive energy from the moon."
"Ooh, this is getting strange," Miss Julia said.
"That's not the strangest part," Butch said with a giggle. "They moon bathe in the raw. Oscar D. Hayes, who has the farm next door, saw them one night when he was out looking for a fox that had been getting at his chickens. They were all lined upon blankets on the side of a hill. Oscar said his dog, Prince, ran under the house and wouldn't come out until four o'clock the next afternoon after seeing that. Oscar said he was pretty shaken up about it his own self."
"So what's wrong with Rex?" Biggie asked.
"Lots of things," Butch said. "One thing is, he had his leg amputated on account of his diabetes, but I think his heart's bad, too."
"Come, J.R." Biggie got up suddenly. "I think I've heard enough."
I had to run to keep up with Biggie, she got out of there so fast.
2
Rosebud is my substitute daddy. He is also my best friend in the whole wide world. He has taught me all I know about fishing and hunting, and he even coaches my baseball team. And he never ever gets mad at me even when I do something really dumb. That's why I was so surprised when he near about bit my head off today. Here is how it happened.
Biggie went right up to her room and closed the door as soon as we got back from the tearoom. She wouldn't come out even though I banged on her door and called her name a bunch of times. Finally, after about the tenth time, she hollered at me to go away and leave her alone. Well, I don't have to tell you that really hurt my feelings. I went looking for Willie Mae, but she hadn't come back from the funeral home yet, so I just went into my room to play video games while Booger sat on the floor trying to bat the moving figures with his paw. After about an hour of that, I got hungry and so did Booger, so we went downstairs to see what we could find to eat. Rosebud was in the kitchen stirring a pot of red beans on the stove.
"How come Willie Mae's not cooking?"
"She went over to Mrs. Rosa Dorsett's house to stay with her family for a spell. It seems they all pretty upset about losing they mama and all."
"So what are we supposed to do? Starve?"
Rosebud turned around and gave me a look. "What do it look like I'm doing?"
"Cooking beans. What else are we having?"
"Cornbread and buttermilk."
"Rosebud, that's not a meal!"
"It's a fine meal for plenty of folks, young'un, and you'd best be proud you got it."
That hurt my feelings, but that's not the worst part. The worst part came after we'd eaten our cornbread and beans and went out to the front porch to sit while Rosebud smoked his cigar. Biggie never came down for supper.
Figuring to lighten the mood, I decided to tell Rosebud a funny story. "Rosebud, you should have seen what I saw today."
"What?" He put his feet up on the porch rail and blew a fat smoke ring.
"I saw eight fat girls down at the tearoom. Ooo-wee, they were so funny. They jiggled every time they moved, and when they got up to leave, their butts looked like two hogs fighting in a tow sack." I got the giggles just thinking about it and about rolled off my chair laughing. When I finally caught my breath, I looked at Rosebud to see if he was laughing, too.
He wasn't. He was glaring at me.
"Boy," he said in a tone I'd never heard, "I never thought I'd be ashamed of you, but right this minute, I can't hardly look at you."
"Me? Why? It was funny, Rosebud. One of um liked to have broke one of Miss Mattie's antique chairs, and her old butt just hung over the edge. Rosebud, why are you looking at me that way?"
"I oughta burn your butt, that's why. Ain't I taught you nothin'?"
I