Big Ben (See No Evil Trilogy #1) - Nana Malone Page 0,60

her fingers. “Okay, so he kissed you, you kissed him back, and then you went to tell Dexter?”

“I don’t know what I meant to tell Dexter if I’m being honest. I just knew what I did was wrong and terrible, so I don’t know, I wanted to lean into my relationship. It’s no surprise that things have been difficult with us. I wanted to recommit or something dumb like that.”

“But remember him and that redhead. I promise you your instincts are spot on there. Don’t ignore them.”

“I don’t have any proof he did anything with her.” My brain, oh so helpfully, replayed the night’s events for me. “The things he said to me, Telly, it’s like he hates me. And I don’t understand what I’ve ever done to him.”

“All you’ve ever done is try to help him. Sometimes people don’t want to be helped.”

“Tonight was horrible. And I know I can never see him again. And I know I deserve better, but there is this tiny part of me that feels awful, like I’m abandoning him.”

“It’s not abandonment when someone you care about puts you in a dangerous situation. Then it’s called survival. And you are a survivor, aren’t you?”

I swallowed nodded. “I am.”

“Then yeah, I think you have your answer right there.”

I tried hugging my knees in hopes that it would help me feel more whole instead of more fractured. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“I know.”

“So, what do I do about Ben?”

Carmen had the perfect answer for me. “You shag him so good his dick falls off. It’s been a long time since I’ve shagged a bloke. I don’t normally miss it. But if he’s that fit… Telly, you fancy a third sometime?”

Telly’s laugh was rich. “Only if he looks like her boss. Because wowsa.”

I laughed so hard I snorted. “Oh my God. I wonder if I can break it from overuse?”

Telly nodded. “Hey, why don’t you try it out and tell us.”

I couldn’t believe I could even laugh right now. “I’m not shagging him. I don’t know, it’s like we’ve sort of become friends. And then well today happened.”

Telly nodded. “Are you sure becoming friends with the hot man you want to shag is a good idea?”

“I’m not shagging anybody. If Dexter and I are done, I need to put it to bed and then deal with my own shit before I bring anyone else in. I’m still grieving Mom, I have a complete wanker for a boyfriend, and I just got a new job. I have a lot going on.”

“Good point,” conceded Telly.

“I know. I need to deal with it and soon.”

“And then you’ll be free.” Telly took my hand and squeezed. “I promise you. None of this will kill you.”

I wished I could believe her.

17

Ben

Blake Boynton, the little shit, had canceled on me last night. And good thing too, or I couldn’t have been there for Livy.

Just thinking about that fucker, Mills, with his hands on her made me want to murder him. I’d never put in a name for a sanction, not once in the ten years I’d been in the Elite. But I was going to put Fenton Mills’ name in, and I didn’t give a shit.

If an Elite member called for sanctions, they had the option of stating their reason or not. Throughout a member’s tenure, they could only call one no-disclosure sanction. All other sanctions needed to be disclosed to the members. Since I never wanted to drag Livy’s name into the Elite, I’d call for a no-disclosure sanction.

But who will you call it against? Her idiot boyfriend or his idiot boss? It was a close one, but Fenton was the one who’d had his hands on her, so he would be the recipient of my sanction, and it wouldn’t be pretty.

With a sanction, the membership systematically dismantled someone’s life. Secrets revealed. Affairs leaked. The only exception would be if they had children. Children were off-limits.

Yesterday and last night had been a complete clusterfuck. I needed to get back on an even keel. I’d head out for this run to meet Blake in the park. The run would do me good. Let me clear my head.

Because there was still the little matter of me wanting to shag my operations director, and keeping my distance was getting more and more difficult.

I took the tube down to Regent’s Park, not even concerned about the crowd of tourists. I knew my way around enough to avoid them entirely.

But there was something about the energy and vibe of