He pulls in his lips, the seriousness of what he is about to reveal weighing heavily on his shoulders. “Your scan results…” He walks over to a board and lights it up, clipping my scan to the top railing. “They have revealed a darkened mass here and here.” He reaches into his pocket and produces a small laser light.
I amble over, my feet functioning on autopilot.
“This here”—the red laser circles a black blob—“is your first tumor. And this…” His sentences all mush into one because all I can focus is the word ‘first.’ First would imply it was here before any others, others which weren’t there the last time I checked.
“Where’s Roman?” I whisper, cutting Dr. Carter off.
He pauses, the red laser dot stationary on a smaller blob I’ve not seen before. “Have you heard what I’ve said?” He speaks in a monotone, like he would to any other patient who has just received the worst news of her life.
“Yes.”
“And you understand what it all means?” He peers at me, nothing but sadness reflected on his kind face.
“Not really.” I can’t accept his news until I know Roman is safe.
Sighing, Dr. Carter gently places his palm to my forearm, requesting my full attention for what he’s about to reveal. “Lola. I am so sorry. These drugs, if they worked, would have done so right away. They don’t need time to take effect.
“But sadly, now you have two tumors. Your original one has doubled in size. The newer one is still small, but…” His pause leaves me winded. “But it’s only a matter of time. It will get bigger. Both will.”
“W-what does that mean?” I stutter, my head suddenly weighing a thousand pounds.
“It means it didn’t work.” The reply doesn’t come from Dr. Carter.
Spinning around, I see Roman standing in the doorway, looking beyond broken. His shoulders are slouched, his hands dug deep into his pockets, his downturned face hiding his fears.
“Are you all right?” I ask, unable to stop myself as I run over.
He lifts his chin, and I’ve never seen him more heartbroken than right now. “Am I all right?” he questions, bewildered.
“Yes,” I reply, touching his face, ensuring he’s real. “Your heart is okay?” On cue, I place my hand over the thundering beat. The frantic rhythm is faster and more irregular than I’ve ever felt it before.
“Lola, stop it!” Roman shouts, seizing my wrist and clasping it tight. “Stop worrying about me. Worry about yourself!” His outburst has me jarring backward, stunned. “No, my heart is not okay. It’s fucking broken! Did you hear what Dr. Carter said?” He drops my wrist, only to clutch at both my upper arms, shaking me fervently. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Why aren’t you as angry as I am?”
Black consumes his pupils, reflecting what he’s feeling within.
“As long as I know you’re okay, I can deal with anything I need to.” And it’s the truth.
This entire time, I was more concerned for Roman’s well-being than I was for mine. Is that what sacrifice feels like? Putting the one you love before your needs?
“How is this possible?” Roman lets me go and storms over to Dr. Carter, who is standing blankly in front of the lightened board. “She was getting better.”
“Because she wanted to, and at some point, I believe she was,” he simply replies. “But the drugs, they were, they are…” I step forward, knowing what he’s going to say. “They are simply prolonging the inevitable.” He turns to look at me, nothing but regret marring his demeanor. It’s the same look he gave me when I told him I quit the first time around.
I’ve grown to admire Dr. Carter, not only because he’s a wonderful doctor, but also because he’s a wonderful human being. He gave Georgia hope, and for that, I’ll forever be grateful. “Thank you, Dr. Carter. For everything.”
He nods, but accepting my gratitude doesn’t appear to be an easy thing. “It’s been my absolute pleasure.”
This is really happening.
Now that the dust has settled, I take in the scan. The two darkened masses look so harmless, but their significance is poisonous. This time there is no miracle pill, but I suppose there never was. This was my fate from the very beginning. The trial bought me some time, time to meet and fall in love with the man who changed my life forever.
“No!” Roman roars, his explosion startling me. I’ve never seen him this enraged before.