He carefully removes Sadie’s necklace—which I recently fixed—into his pocket.
“Are you ready?” he poses, nothing but importance to his question.
“I am.” My palms begin to sweat.
“I’ll just be out there.” He gestures with his chin to where a glass window separates the room.
“Okay.”
Whatever the result, we both know it will change our lives forever. If it’s worked, it means I get to live, but Roman still dies. And if it hasn’t worked…
“See you soon.” Bending forward, he places his lips on my forehead.
Once I’m dressed in the hospital gown, I step out from behind the medical screen. Before I boost myself onto the bed, I look at Roman. He sits, leaned forward, steepling his fingers over his mouth. I hate that he’s here because of me. He has enough of his own issues to deal with, yet here he is, forfeiting his health for mine.
“I love you,” I mouth, uncaring that Dr. Carter can see.
Roman nods once before placing his palm to the glass, an open invitation that his heart beats for me too.
With that image as my driving force, I lie down, the plastic beneath me cool. I take three steadying breaths, closing my eyes and going to my happy place.
“Okay, we’re ready. You can listen to music while inside. This will take approximately twenty minutes.”
Roman’s pain is flagrant through the glass, but I use that as my strength to calm my nerves and live for us both.
Seconds later, the bed slides into the circular tunnel, cutting me off from the real world. The noise is unbearable, the droning sound cutting into my canals. My scalp begins to smolder, but I know this is a psychological response to why I’m in here.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and I focus on the only thing I can to make all of this go away.
Roman.
After this test finishes, I will know what my future holds, but what about Roman? He said he didn’t have long. I swallow past the lump in my throat.
This isn’t fair, but I’ve come to learn that life rarely is. As the machine rattles around me, I plan a course of attack, determined to exhaust every single option for Roman. I won’t give up on him. I can’t.
Lying here with a possible second chance at life, I come to understand Roman’s comment about feeling unworthy of his life. It doesn’t seem fair that we’re alive, while the ones we love have been taken away, or faced with a grim future ahead.
For the next twenty minutes, I drift off into another plane, neither here nor there. I’m floating above myself, looking down on my life and wondering where I can better things. Roman’s life is far more important to me than mine is. I want us to both live, but the reality is, that will not happen. One or both of us will expire, and truth be told, I would rather that person be me.
Tears leak from my eyes and a burning aches in my chest, but I’m brought back to now, realizing the scan is over. The bed slowly retracts, and I’m grateful the twenty minutes felt like two. My pupils take a moment to adjust to the bright light, and I blink, hoping to clear my head.
When I think I can stand, I raise my weary body, but I get the sense that something is horribly, grievously wrong. “Roman?” I whisper, but everything turns cold.
My glasses clear up my vision, but I don’t understand what I’m seeing.
“Lola, we will just be a minute.” Dr. Carter’s voice holds the same grim response it did all those years ago. I’m suddenly transported to when we first met.
Roman stands motionless, hands interlaced atop his head as his cheeks puff out, exhaling deeply. He looks so lost. I beseech him to tell me what’s wrong, but he stares vacantly ahead.
What has happened for him to look like he’s dying inside? A plume of disquiet engulfs me, and I lean against the bed for support. I’m certain something has happened to him.
Dr. Carter enters the room, a folder and what appears to be my scan in his left hand. I wait for Roman to enter, but he doesn’t. Turning to look back at the window, I no longer see him.
“Dr. Archibald needed a minute.”
“A minute for what?” My voice betrays my fears.
“How about we go back to my office, so we can discuss the results?” Why is he stalling? “Would you like to sit?”