and frustration reflecting mine. “I know I don’t deserve it, but all I ask for is five minutes. If you still hate me after that, then I promise I will leave you alone for good.”
“I don’t hate you,” I reply, my rage fading. “I should, but I don’t. How will five minutes undo all the minutes prior?”
He rubs the back of his neck before sweeping his hand upward, mussing up his hair. “Because this time, each minute will carry the truth. I’m ready to tell you everything. I can only hope you still look at me the same once you’ve heard it all.”
My pulse spikes, and my mouth suddenly becomes dry. He’s not being melodramatic. It’s evident he means every single word. I’m suddenly terrified, but pushing that fear away, I nod. It’s a standoff, and I wonder if anyone will come out of this a winner.
“Will you let me explain?”
I have no other choice. I need to know his secrets. With that as my motivation, I turn and walk to my apartment. His heavy footsteps behind me indicate he’s following. I can feel the tension exuding off him, which makes me nervous. He’s usually so calm.
My fingers tremble as I attempt to unlock the door, the keys rattling against the love heart keychain. I take a deep breath and steady myself. If I’m going to do this, then I need to keep cool. It takes two attempts, but I manage to open the door without needing to kick it down.
Tossing my keys onto the entryway table, I make my way into the living room. I fold my arms across my chest, indicating the floor is his. He swallows and begins pacing the room. I survey every rigid step silently, understanding he needs this time to muster the courage to begin.
I want to comfort him, but I don’t. I’ll give him the time he needs.
The air crackles before he abruptly stops pacing and turns his back. And so, his tale begins. “When I bumped into you that first day, I knew you were going to make a splash, but I never thought you’d cause a tsunami. The more time I spent with you, the more I found myself completely drawn to you. And when apart, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
“I have never met anyone like you before. Your strength is immeasurable, and the most remarkable thing is you don’t even realize how incredible you truly are. Your strength, your compassion, but most of all…” He pauses, lowering his head. “Your heart is unlike anything I’ve ever known before.”
I want to thank him for such beautiful words, but I keep still.
“You belong with someone who is young and healthy. Someone who can look after you.”
I wet my dry lips. What is he talking about?
“I can’t provide that for you…no matter how badly I want to.”
“W-why not?”
“I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” The regret weighs so heavily I can hear his pain.
“I overheard what you said to June in your office,” I confess, watching his shoulders slouch. “What is it about us that makes you think we won’t have a happily ever after? Am I not good enough for you? Is that what it is?”
Silence.
I blink back my tears. “The least you can do is face me,” I cry, feeling rejected and unwanted by the man I want more than air.
His head hangs low as his hands dig deep into his pockets. “I was trying to put distance between us, Lola, because I was…I am…I have fallen in love with you.”
“You…what?” I gasp, drawing a wavering hand to my mouth.
He exhales before confessing, “I love you.” Hearts and stars and tears should follow that declaration, but instead, I feel like it’s another goodbye.
“Is loving me such a bad thing?” I pose, not understanding any of this.
When he replies, I wish I’d never asked. “Yes. This can never lead to anything. I wasn’t being fair to you. I should have just stayed away, but I couldn’t. I was addicted to you. I still am. God knows if I was a good man, I wouldn’t be here telling you this. I would have left you alone and let you live. But I can’t. The thought of you laughing, smiling with another man”—he hisses—“kissing another man drives me insane. I can’t stand it.”
My brain is going a million miles a minute. I should be over the moon, but I’m not. There is an underlying sorrow, and I’m just waiting for