Between Now and Heartbreak - Dylan Allen Page 0,63
do?”
I hadn’t thought of it that way at all.
“Look at your life right now. Is it different from everything you’ve grown up in? Has wanting it to be different done you any good? No. You want to break a cycle? You have to destroy the wheel that gives it shape and then light it on fire. You don’t become another spoke in it. Don’t do it. Don’t.”
Her eyes are begging me.
Her righteous speech is well timed. My heart is fertile ground for hope and I soak it in.
I am so ready for my life to be something more than this.
I want to get off this sickening ride I’m on. I’m not even sure if I want to marry anyone, at all.
But I certainly don’t want to marry Duke.
The choice feels so clear suddenly. In fact, I can’t remember why I’d been so scared about it before.
What exactly will do with that money that I can’t do without it. Sure, I’ll be rich. But then, what?
Do I give it to Cameron?
Use it to pay for her education and upkeep?
I could use it to hire a lawyer, but I don’t think I have any legal claim on my sister over my father, so there’d be no point.
No, All I can do is make sure that she has a place and person to turn to if she decides she wants something other than the life my father offers her. Like I wish someone had done for me.
Also, I’m not presumptuous enough to believe that I know what she’ll actually want. She may want to be a trophy. Like my mother did.
What will I do then? Kidnap her and force her to be independent? That would make me no worse than my father.
No, the best thing I can do is to be in a position to help if she decides she wants it.
Freedom isn’t for everybody.
But it’s for me.
I’m ready to spread my wings. I want Carter and I want adventure and I want to leave.
I stand, re-energized and impatient to get going.
“Okay. I’ve got to go. I need to end things with Duke. I’ve got to talk to my father and I’ve got to find Carter.”
“Well, since your Dad and Duke are out of reach right now, how about we focus on Carter? I hear he’s got a hot date tonight and I’m thinking you ought to go bust it up.”
“He has a date? Oh hell, no.” I stand up and start toward my stairs. I’m on a mission now.
“Lizzy, wait.” Her voice is urgent and when I turn to face her, Dina’s expression is conflicted and fear strikes.
“What’s wrong? Do you think I’m too late? That he won’t forgive me?”
“No, nothing like that. Jeez…why does your mind go to the worst possible thing?”
“Are you really asking me that? Have you not been paying attention to my life?”
She wrinkles her nose. “Fair enough.”
She gives me a critical once over.
“What’s wrong?” I ask nervously.
“It’s just a minor thing…and I know Carter’s really hot for you already. But I think you need to buy some new clothes and take that awful wig off your head before you go after him. Don’t hate me. I love you. This is really awkward for me to say, but I love you too much not to say it.” Her words come out in a rush and she watches me braced for my reaction.
I jerk back in surprise. “I have great clothes.” I retort.
“Yes, but…” She says slowly with a frown on her face.
“But?” I snap.
“They’d be great if you were like fifty-five, worked on Wall Street during the day, played Daenerys Stringboard’s body double at night, and sold Mary Kay as your side hustle.”
I laugh incredulously. Amused and offended at once.
“Wow. Thanks for lying to me every other time you’ve told me I look great.” I say accusingly.
She smiles coaxingly.
“Oh honey. If you want to wear pink power suits and that blonde hair, cool. You’re beautiful, no matter what you wear. I’m just saying…you’re your own woman. You should look like it.”
I run a hand over my uncovered head. My hair has grown and is almost chin length now. “This is more how I looked when I met him. He liked it.”
“Do you like it?” she asks.
“Yeah. But, I always did.” I look down at the beautiful but matronly pink silk housedress I’m wearing and grimace.
“I wouldn’t mind some regular clothes. You’re right about these. They’re beautifully made, but they’re not sexy, right?”