Between Now and Heartbreak - Dylan Allen Page 0,62
She frowns as she takes in the dirty mugs and plates that cover almost every surface. “I’m not sure what’s going on with you—”
“I’m tired and had some vacation days I needed to use. Why are you freaking out?” I ask through a yawn.
“Have you been up all night?” She walks over and sits next to me.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I can’t sleep.”
I drop my head into my hands and lean back into the couch.
“Yes, Captain Obvious. Clearly. Why can’t you sleep?”
I scowl at her sarcasm. “I messed things up with Carter.”
“Oh, is that why he looked so rough?” She says vaguely.
”You’ve seen him?” I’m desperate to hear more and hop off the couch and I grab her forearms.
“You need a shower.” She wrinkles her nose and leans away from me when I get close to her.
“Tell me!”
She yanks away indignantly.
“Oh my God. You’re practically rabid.” She straightens her hair and sniffs at me. “Yes. I saw him. He looks like shit. Says you broke his heart.” She looks at me expectantly.
“He told me he loved me. And now, he hates me.” I make my saddest face at her. I wish she’d sit down and hug me. I need one.
She squints at me and there’s not much sympathy on her face. “I feel like you’re leaving things out.”
I shift in my seat.
“Like what?”
“Like, how did he respond when you told him you loved him, too?”
I cringe.
“I didn’t tell him that.”
Her frown deepens. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him I didn’t want anything right now. You know…because of Duke.” I wail mournfully.
“Well. I see…no wonder you’re panicking. That was a dumb thing to say.?”
“I know.“ My mouth feels dry and I grab a bottle of water and chug it back.
“Let me tell you what I wish I’d done when the man I really love laid his heart out in front of me.”
I choke on the water and put the bottle down to grab some paper towels to wipe up the mess.
She hands me a batch and tightens her grip on them when I try to take them.
I look into her eyes and tear up when I see the real heartbreak there.
“Did he tell you?” She doesn’t have to say who he is. I know she’s talking about James.
“Yes. But only the night before he died. He said you didn’t know.”
She shakes her head.
“He didn’t want you to hate me. Even then, he was trying to protect me. I loved him. And I can tell you, living with the fact that I won’t ever get to tell him that, is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”
“Why did you marry Wes if you don’t love him?” I ask quietly.
She lets go of my hand. “I do love him. Or… I did. Just not as much as I loved James. He was the one. We had nothing in common, but when we were in the same place at the same time, we just gravitated towards each other.”
Her voice breaks on the bow of her confession and she folds in on herself. This is her secret. How similar it is to mine. She’s sharing it with me. The trust she’s placed in me, by giving me the most vulnerable part of herself so that I don’t make the same mistake is a priceless gift. And it gives me the push I need to tell her everything.
“He died coming to get me. Because I was with Carter instead of at home, and he was worried.”
I slap a hand over my mouth and stare at her in horror.
Her expression is a mirror of mine. I feel the sting of her judgment and the creep of shame at my choices.
“Say something, Dina.”
“Is that how your dad got you to agree to marry Duke?”
“Well, I felt like I owed him something. James was his heir.”
“So are you.”
“Well, he doesn’t want that. And neither do I. Anymore. Once I get this money—”
“Money isn’t the answer, Liz. It’s not. When you get it, you’ll find that it wasn’t worth whatever it is you’ve sold to get it. Don’t do it. James wanted something different for you.”
“I want to help Cam.” I say and it sounds so flimsy now.
Dina turns on the couch so she’s facing me.
“You want to help Cam? Show her what it looks like for a woman to succeed without doing anyone’s bidding. You’re talented. You can sell those paintings and make real money. Model what’s possible for her. If you marry for money, what do you think she’s going to