snapping. “Of course, I know that. Charity isn’t the point. I want to make sure my niece or nephew gets the very best, that’s all.”
That night, Val stayed for dinner, leaving in Joan’s second car before Peter arrived home from work. As she drove away from the house, she could see Joan’s thin silhouette in the doorway, her long arm raised in a wave, the light of the hall pushing itself into the night through her legs, around her sides and over her head.
—
Val dreamed of the baby every night. She saw the baby’s pale face, her small, elf-like body, even her round toes. Sometimes the baby cried, a quiet, barely there plea that ceased as soon as Val picked her up and held her, her small chin resting on Val’s shoulder. Other times, she sat on a sheepskin rug on the floor, clapping her hands as Val danced in front of her, a goofy version of the strip she used to do in the clubs with a towel on her head for a wig and an old sheet wrapped around her body for a satin gown.
When she woke up, she was warm and round and unworried. Through the window, she watched the birds flying between the downtown apartment buildings. She lay on her side until the sun rose past the railing on the balcony. She sometimes looked in the mirrors in shops, or in her own mirror at home, and was surprised by her bare, makeup-less face, which seemed, oddly, younger than it had in years. The flowers she planted on the balcony nodded at her through the window, and she nodded back. For once, she felt quiet, like an undisturbed, clear-as-glass lake.
One afternoon, Joan appeared at her door, her tweed skirt peeping out the bottom of her tan trench coat. She held up a paper bag filled with groceries.
“Fresh fruit and veggies for the baby,” she announced, walking straight into the kitchen where she began putting the food away in the fridge. “I bought you a nice steak too. You need to keep up your iron, you know.”
After Val settled Joan on the balcony with a cup of tea, Joan smiled. “This is really nice, Val. You’ve done a good job of making this little apartment into a home. I can see you had some pansies over the summer.”
Val nodded and waved her hand over the yellow and red trees lining the sidewalk. “The summer was really great, but it looks like the fall might turn out to be even nicer.”
“You’re getting big.” Joan let her eyes linger on Val’s belly. “When’s the due date again?”
“End of December.”
“Like I said, the apartment looks very homey,” Joan said, her voice rising to a clear, precise pitch. “What are you doing to get ready for the baby?”
“I’ve been looking at cribs, but I haven’t found the exact right thing yet. I wanted something in a natural wood, you know, and everything these days is covered in white laminate or some such thing. I’ve started a quilt, in all different colours.” Val laughed, rubbed her needle-pricked fingers together. “I’m not much of a seamstress, but I try.”
“Are you prepared enough, do you think?”
“I think so. No one is ever really prepared, you know.”
“No, that’s true.” Joan paused. “What about afterward? What are you going to do for money?”
Val twisted a finger in her hair. “I’ll figure it out. I always do. I could waitress, of course, or I was thinking I could be an agent for other girls. You know: make sure they’re treated fairly and all that.”
Joan turned and looked into Val’s eyes so intently that Val had to look away. “Is that wise? If you waitress, who will look after the baby? And if you’re going to work with those girls again, aren’t you exposing the baby to that crowd? Do you want to do that?”
Val put her hand up to her hair. Below, a car with a mattress tied to its roof drove slowly past. Val thought she could hear a polka drifting from a building across the street. “I never thought of it that way, I guess. I’ll do what I have to do. We’ll get by.”
Joan tapped her fingers on her lap. “Don’t you think, Val, that the baby deserves more than just getting by? What about music lessons, or summer camp? Have you even thought about university?”
“That’s thinking really far ahead.”
“Yes, but that’s what mothers do. They plan. They make sure their children have everything