you are now…Charity, this is real sorrow. You had something special and you lost it. And it broke your heart. And I wish I knew how to make it better for you.”
“Talking helps,” she admitted.
“So why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“Because I feel like that person, you know? That person who can never be happy and content. Who always finds a reason to be miserable. I’m supposed to be happy. I have everything I thought I wanted…I have you all back. I’m starting my own practice. I have old friends and new. I don’t feel weighted down by my past anymore. I still have so much PTSD to work through after my life with Blaine…but it no longer feels like the sum total of who I am. I should be happy.”
“But you’re not. And that’s okay.”
“Is it? It was supposed to be a fling. Nothing more. I was never meant to be hung up on him.”
Faith snorted and waved her hand impatiently.
“You’re not ‘hung up’ on him. You’re in love with him. Big difference, sis. One suggests an impractical obsession with a past lover. The other indicates depth of feeling, a realness that cannot be casually dismissed.”
“He helped me overcome so much…but he was also the first man after Blaine, and I thought I was rebounding or something. He took me by surprise, you know. I always thought he was this aloof, terse, tense man with few friends, no hobbies and no concept of how to let loose and have fun. He always struck me as a guy with a giant stick up his butt.”
“He was none of those things, I take it?”
“One of the first things he did after arriving at the house for his convalescence was rescue a flea-bitten, skinny pup. I mean, she was a raggedy, sad looking little thing, but he thought she was the most beautiful freaking dog in the world. He named her Stormy, and they fell instantly in love and were inseparable from the very beginning. He lost his appetite at a farmhouse restaurant because some chickens wandered into the yard, and he was concerned that we were eating one of their offspring.
“And don’t get me started on how he feels about captive lobsters in restaurant tanks. The man is borderline militant on the topic. He’s patient, kind, sweet, understanding. He’s also intelligent, funny, companionable, and passionate about the things he loves. He’s fantastic in bed. He made me feel safe and—”
“Cherry, stop!” Even though her family tried very hard to refrain from using that nickname, they occasionally slipped up. But Charity found herself minding less and less. They loved her, they could call her anything they damned well pleased. Blaine had taken enough from her, and she had decided that this was something he could no longer have. “If you feel this way about him, why aren’t you grabbing him with both hands and holding on tight?”
“He’s there. I’m here. It’s long-distance or one of us moves. That’s if he even wants to start anything serious with me.”
“Oh, I saw the way that man looked at you. He wants it alright.”
“And I thought the next part of my life shouldn’t be about a man. It should be about me.”
“Admirable. But why can’t it be about both? Why can’t you have your career, your independence, and the man you love? Why can’t you have everything? You fucking deserve it!”
Faith’s questions made her pause, and her brow puckered as she contemplated the words. Words she had never allowed herself to even consider before.
Could this be just another way she was allowing her past with Blaine to manipulate and influence her future? Miles had strong feelings for her. She knew that. She hadn’t dared asked him for clarification on those feelings because she didn’t want to know. She feared that it would weaken her resolve to be more.
Be better.
But what she hadn’t considered was that she was already better. Better on her own and better with him. She had nothing to prove to anyone except herself, and after three years of near isolation, making herself mentally and physically strong, she already possessed that proof.
Miles had afforded her the emotional support she hadn’t even known she needed. Without him, she could very well have remained stuck in that safe chrysalis for many more years. But his strength had bolstered hers and had encouraged her to emerge and fly.
She didn’t need him to make her whole. But…she damned well wanted him.
Give Stormy a hug and kiss from