Bereft - Jennifer Foor Page 0,49
think all the bad was just a dream, but as I sat up and saw my suitcase I knew I was mistaken. My marriage was in shambles, and I was now part of the reason. Grayson was a mess, and my leaving wasn’t going to make it any easier, not for either of us.
I tried to sneak out of his reach without waking him, but failed miserably. Grayson stirred, opening his eyes and becoming alert to our situation. “Where are you going?”
“I have to get ready for work. Go back to sleep.”
He sat up straight and looked around the room, finally stopping at my full luggage. I watched his face fall to a sad frown. “I was hoping you’d change your mind.”
I sat on the edge of the mattress. “I know. I think we need time apart, Grayson. Maybe it will help us.”
“Or maybe it will break us apart forever. Last night helped. You have to admit it.”
“Last night was intense, yes, but it didn’t solve anything. We’re still in the same predicament, and without some separation I’m afraid we’ll have resentment. We’ve both made decisions which impact our future. I need to be able to grasp everything before I can handle and decide what comes next. Do you understand?”
He put his head down and traced the fabric of my nightgown. “I love you so much. I just don’t want it to be over.”
“Grayson, I can’t make promises right now. I know it hurts. Trust me, I feel it too. It’s just best if we spend time apart.”
“You’re punishing me. I get it.”
“No!” I defended. “It’s not about that. We both need a breather.”
“Does your breather have a name?”
This annoyed me. I was trying my hardest to be considerate. This had nothing to do with Chad. I’d made the decision to stop our tryst. I knew what was at stake, and no one, not even Grayson, wanted it resolved as much as I did. “You would go there. Just remember you’re the one who made this ugly. I was really hoping we could do this cordially.”
I got up and headed for the bathroom. “Come on, Rachel. You can’t be serious. I have a right to ask.”
Twirling around, I gave him a look of disgust. “No. You don’t! You lost your right to my private life. Now, last night opened my eyes to a lot of things, but it changes nothing. I’m leaving. I’m taking some items with me I’ll need. Maybe I’ll stop by on the weekend for more. I don’t know yet. For now, I don’t have a set plan. When I get it figured out, you’ll be the first to know.”
I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with my decision, not that I gave a shit. My give a damn had been broken since he screwed Kyla.
“I told Stephanie,” he managed to get out before I could close the bathroom door. “She knows what I did, and who I did it with. She refuses to speak to me.”
I came back into the room and stared at him, shocked he’d told our daughter about his affair. “What happened? Did she freak out?”
He began to sob, and in an immediate response I leaned over and touched his shoulder. “She hates me. I’m sure of it. How could I have been so stupid? How could I make such a horrible mistake?”
“Steph loves you, Grayson. I’m sure she’s upset. It’s not every day your father sleeps with your best friend behind your back. She’s in shock. Can you blame her?”
He shook his head. “No. I don’t blame her. I just want my family back. Every day it feels like we’re falling apart more. I keep hoping time will heal us, but what if it doesn’t? What if I’ve lost both of you?”
“I can’t speak for our daughter. What you did destroyed me, but I’m not bitter. Even if we don’t get back together, I won’t hate you. I may be angry, but you will always be important to me.”
He clung to me for a second while weeping. I felt so bad for him, but at the same time I knew if I stayed I’d cave and never forgive myself. This was no longer about teaching Grayson a lesson. He’d been hurt, and I wasn’t into rubbing it in his face. I needed space for myself. I needed to know I could forgive him ,because if I couldn’t there was no reason to try. “Please don’t leave me, Rachel. I’ll do anything. I’ll go