Bereft - Jennifer Foor Page 0,48

could go back. I know it’s not possible now, but I’d do things differently.”

“I believe you, Grayson.”

“You do?” I shifted to turn my whole body to face hers.

“I’m not oblivious to what you’re going through. I have compassion. I can tell when something is bothering you, and it’s obvious you’re struggling. I am too. This isn’t how I saw our future going.” She wiped her eyes. “I thought we’d be together forever. I thought we were best friends.”

“We still can be.”

She shook her head. I watched her face scrunch as she began to weep. “I wish we could. I do. I wish we could make it all go away, but it’s too late. Some damage is irreparable. We can’t fix what’s broken. We’ve both made choices we aren’t proud of. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel like this.”

I reached over and touched the back of her hand. She started to jerk it away, but at the last minute left it to remain. “Can I hold you?”

She sniffled and shrugged her shoulders. “It will probably make matters worse.”

“I don’t care. Let me hold you. Please, Rachel.”

She leaned over and let me wrap my arms around her. In that moment I lost it. I didn’t let go, but I was struggling to keep enough composure to do it. This was it. This could be the very last time I was this close to my wife. This could be the last time I got to hold her; to touch her in any way.

Together, we cried, letting the pain flow out of us like a running faucet. We’d gotten so caught up in our lives that we’d forgotten how to be married. Life was comfortable, and the monotony left both of us vulnerable. Rachel didn’t deserve to be cheated on. It wasn’t her fault I made the decision to sleep with someone else. The choice had nothing to do with her at all.

Whatever she was involved in now was a direct result of what I’d put her through. She was lashing out, desperate to feel a connection, since I’d ruined our relationship. My self-conscious wife needed to be reminded how amazing she was, and she felt getting the attention from someone else was the best way to do so.

My aching heart wasn’t going to heal, not without her in my life. That’s why I couldn’t bear to think about when morning came and she asked me to leave her alone again.

If I knew anything about my wife it was that she tried to keep the peace. If she was giving in to my requests it meant she was exhausted. She needed reprieve and this was her way of saying goodbye without the words. I could sense it in the way she cried, how much this hurt. Her pain radiated through me as if we were electrically connected. “I’m so so sorry, babe. God, what have I done to us? What have I done?”

I believe every man has a breaking point. Mine was losing Rachel. Being this close to her again brought so much into perspective. I wondered how I would go on without her. The saying is true. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

Chapter 19

Rachel

I’m not sure why I agreed to let Grayson back in our bed. The same goes for him holding me. I knew it wouldn’t help, but to some degree it made the pain a little easier to bear. He was with me, alone, and in those moments nothing else in the world mattered.

Our temporary fix left me vulnerable again. I found myself questioning if I’d be able to forgive him and start over. There were so many reasons I wanted to trust my husband, but only time would tell if I’d truly be able to. Right now I knew he wasn’t seeing Kyla. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t have a change of heart. I had to wait it out, and in the meantime I had to get my affairs in order, just in case.

With that being said, there was still the topic of Chad. Being close to Grayson made me more aware of the taboo things I’d done with another man. I knew it was important to focus on my job, instead of the little romps we’d been having. At the end of the day I had to live with all my decisions, good and bad.

The next morning I woke up in the arms of my husband. I would have liked to