pastel colours were insubstantial behind the bold, black strokes of Johnny’s writing. “So you’re... renting me,” I said.
“Oh, for God’s sake. As if you’re worth the late fees. You said you were coming anyway. It’s compensation.”
“Buying me, then.”
“Do you even know what that word means?”
“You picked a really excellent fucking time to talk down to me,” I said, feeling anger tower like a thunderhead, fed by the look of nonplussed defiance on her face, so sure she was in the right. I shoved the cheque back at her.
“N—”
“Look at this house! Look what They did to it! Or what you did to it! You know, you can write a cheque as big as the moon, it’ll never make up for this, for having this taken from us when we finally had something to take. And now you think money will fix it? Just like money fixes everything else? You want to deal with me the same way They dealt with you? Yeah, I can see who you’ve been taking lessons from. The truth is, you’ve finally found something you can’t buy your way out of! Something your goddamn money can’t fix for once!
“This is a life you’re trying to buy, Johnny, and a life isn’t stuff, the way you—you joke about buying researchers, the way you laughed about buying Rutger when you paid for his replacement. Maybe because you got bought, you think of us that way, I don’t know. I don’t care. And you know what? The bank won’t let Mom cash this fucking cheque anyway. It’s too big.”
Her eyes went wide. Very clearly I thought: I used to think I was in love with you. You, of all people.
I also thought: I wonder how long I had that speech building up. Most of it, anyway.
Influence clusters, contaminates, then maims; and it is made out of money. When you have money you think the way people with money think, because that’s the influence. Ordinary rich people buy homes, plural. The super-rich make homes everywhere. People like her, though, don’t need a home; they have nothing that they are worried about keeping, they know they can replace anything, literally anything, even if it is supposed to be one of a kind. She doesn’t have those voids that other rich people have, the ones they try to fill with paintings and cars. She doesn’t even try. She just lets the voids sit, and races past them trying to save the world. Even her house is a decoy, almost, isn’t it? Not like ours, a knowable thing. Inside her castle you never know where she is. You go looking for her, you can’t find her. I never knew why that was, only that she made it that way, and everything she wants made a certain way is made a certain way.
“What about cash?” she said, quietly.
“Did you hear one thing that I just said? It’s not about the money!”
“I’m trying to help!” she cried. “What, you think it’s better to walk away, leave them with nothing?”
“I’m saying the leaving is the problem! Why can’t we—”
“I’m thinking, Nicky, and all you’re doing is—is—is reacting! Like an animal! You think insurance is going to pay for this? I’ve talked to enough insurance companies to know they won’t. You want the kids out on the street? Hunted down by monsters? I’m trying—to—help—you!”
“Fine!”
We both ran out of steam, and she slumped, still braced on the table. I wondered why it looked so familiar, then remembered: Ben. The smashed aquarium. The delta of artificial sand, her curved back. I am not the only one who grieves here. No, we all grieve.
“I’ll get Rutger to do it in cash,” she said after a few minutes. “Go pack a bag.”
“Where are we going?”
“I don’t know yet.”
The monsters hadn’t gotten to Mom’s room, where I kept my clothes, so I was able to shower and change, even shave—quickly and badly, without letting the shaving cream soak in enough. I still hadn’t found my other shoe, but my older blue-and-yellow Nikes were intact in the kids’ closet; I put them on, then headed for the front door just as Johnny came through it, almost bumping into her.
“What are you doing?”
“Uh,” I said. “I need to talk to Mom and—”
“I told you. Rutger took care of all that.”
“Say again? All what?”
“They’re still in danger,” she said. “I asked him to hide them till we get back.”
“What?”
She held up a hand, tiredly. “Please don’t start,” she said. “They’re not safe here. You know