community.”
That earned me a genuine smile. “I’ll pass on that lecture, thanks.”
“Smart boy.”
He quirked his brow. “Boy?”
“Man…dude…individual…whatever! You know what I mean!”
He leaned closer. “Do I?”
“You’re engaging in avoidance behavior right now, and I feel I should caution you about the negative ramifications of not dealing with your feelings—”
“Have you been watching daytime TV again?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But that’s not the point.”
He sighed, then flopped back onto the bed. I lay on my side and stared at him as he gazed at the ceiling.
“I know it isn’t.”
“Then why don’t you tell me what’s eating at you?”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, steadying himself for the conversation about to take place. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be to return to New York—the shit I would have to face here.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “Do you want to leave?” I did little to hide the horror I felt at the idea. He reached down and took my hand in his.
“I’m never leaving you, Piper. That’s not even an option. But there’s a pressing reality I can’t escape, and today was a grim reminder.”
I swallowed hard. “You don’t want to be alpha here again…”
Another deep breath. “I left this city for a reason, Piper. But even more than that, I left my position as alpha—I had to get away from it.”
“But you’re still an alpha, Knox. I don’t understand how you could handle that in Alaska but not here.”
“Because my pack in Alaska was so much smaller, and they were practically chosen in some weird, cosmic kind of way. They all just showed up over time, like they were drawn to me. Like I was calling to them somehow.”
“And here?”
“Here it’s the complete opposite. The sheer volume of wolves alone is daunting, and some of them are…well, like Mack. Some of their moral compasses never point north. Keeping them on the right track was exhausting, and my lie-deciphering ability that everyone thinks is so handy comes at a price when I’m here, for whatever reason.”
“What’s the price, Knox?”
He shifted his gaze to me. Behind the sadness in his eyes was fear.
“Their connection to me took its toll—the nonstop assault on my senses. And my mind…” He didn’t look away until he saw the realization in my stare.
“You went mad.”
He nodded. “Your boy Merc and I have more in common than you probably ever bargained for.” He let out a bitter laugh. “Two unstable lovers—not sure how you’re going to manage this, Piper.”
I slipped my hand in his. “I’ll manage it just fine, and so will you.”
He rolled onto his side to face me. “How can you be so sure?”
I smiled. “Because you didn’t have me last time. I calm Merc’s madness—I have some experience in this matter.”
“So you think you’re a seasoned veteran, do you?”
“I mean, I don’t want to brag, but…yeah. I think I’ve got this.”
He reached across the narrow expanse of comforter that separated us and cupped my cheek.
“I think you just might.”
His lips fell soft against mine at first, an uncertainty there that hadn’t ever been there before. It was strange coming from Knox—from an alpha with animal instincts—and yet there we were, bodies pressed tight together in my bed. A place we’d never lain together before; another first in a life that was sure to run short on those soon.
But his hesitant pace didn’t last long. It quickly gave way to an urgency I understood all too well; one I’d shared with Merc only nights earlier. I shoved down the guilt that rose within me as I stripped off my clothes and his and gave in to the part of me that was so connected to Knox that, at times, it was hard to tell where I ended and he began. And it was no different in my bed.
He rolled me onto my back and was soon on top of me. Truth be told, we hadn’t had sex in a bed since our first time in Alaska. Nature always seemed to be our backdrop, but at that moment, with his firm body on top of mine and his hips between my legs, I was happy to settle for Egyptian cotton sheets.
“I can’t lose you, Piper,” he said as he pushed his way inside.
“You won’t,” I gasped as he plunged in deeper this time, an edge of desperation in his pace. I wrapped my legs around his waist, gripped his biceps hard, and held on for dear life as our bodies rocked together.