Beguiled (The Fairest Maidens #2) - Jody Hedlund Page 0,72
afternoon. But she has not established a day yet for Mikkel’s execution.”
“Good. Maybe it is only a ruse to draw in Vilmar. Maybe once she has my heart, she will release Mikkel.”
“If I have my way, we shall not give her anything.”
“I deserve to die, Ruby.” We stopped at the bed, and I lowered myself to the edge.
“No, you do not—”
“I have become a monster just like her.” My head and shoulders drooped under my shame.
Ruby sat beside me and held my hands. “’Tis true that you have many of her qualities. You are beautiful and strong and intelligent. But you are not a monster. Not even close.”
“I am close. Closer than you realize.”
“I know you, and you care about people, truly care. And Mother has never loved anyone but herself.”
Ruby was right. Mother had never loved anyone, not even Father. Perhaps she’d harbored some affection for him, but never the self-sacrificing love he’d shown toward her.
“You are different than her, Pearl.”
“I wanted to kill her.”
“I have too.”
I lifted my head to study her face. “Really?”
“After I overheard her conversation with Lord Haleigh and understood what she was doing with the hearts of the young maidens, I wanted to get rid of her.” Ruby’s eyes reflected the same despair swirling through me. And loss.
We’d both lost hope in ever having what we longed for—a mother who loved us. It was only right to grieve and mourn. But Ruby hadn’t let her despair turn into bitterness or hatred. Perhaps that’s where I’d gone amiss. Maybe that’s where our mother had gone amiss, too, so long ago. She’d fostered bitterness toward her family, which led to hatred. And eventually, that hatred had controlled her until she was incapable of loving.
I couldn’t allow that to happen. I couldn’t give bitterness a home inside me. I had to evict it. But how? I couldn’t change my disappointment in my mother for not loving Ruby and me the way we’d needed, but I could find a way to move on from it, couldn’t I?
As if sensing my questions, Ruby made the sign of the cross on her shoulders and chest. “Whenever I confessed my murderous hatred to Sister Clare, she quoted the Holy Scripture that says: ‘When ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.’”
If I wanted God to forgive me for my wicked thoughts of murdering my mother, then I needed to forgive her?
“‘Bitterness leads to bondage, but forgiveness sets us free,’” Ruby continued. “That’s what Sister Clare always says.”
I didn’t understand how forgiveness could set me free, but before I could voice my question, a commanding voice came from the other side of the doorway.
Ruby’s grip on my hands tightened. “Listen to me. During the march to the bailey green, Gregor and a few of your friends from the Isle of Outcasts will create a diversion so you can escape.”
My pulse gave a sudden lurch. “My friends from the island are here?”
“I don’t know who.” Her whisper was impatient. “I only know what Gregor’s message revealed.”
I marveled that any of the outcasts had left the safety of the island to come to Warwick. That meant they’d departed shortly after we had. Had they sensed the danger we would face? Why would they take such a risk by following?
A tiny thrill tingled inside, the first hope I’d had since my mother had captured me. “What about Mikkel? How are they planning to free him?”
“Gregor did not speak of it, only that you must get away as soon as the attack begins.”
My thoughts traveled back to the evening in Fife at sunset when we’d rescued Felicity and the other two women. Together we’d schemed, but Mikkel’s ingenuity and ideas had helped us prevail.
At the tap against the door and the soldier calling Ruby’s name, she stood, and all my fears came rushing back.
The royal mountaintop fortress was nothing like the small fishing town of Fife. The queen was much more capable than the Inquisitor. And the elite guards in the palace made the soldiers in Fife look like children in comparison. An escape would be nearly impossible through the gatehouse. And even more challenging through the secret tunnel.
How would Gregor or any one of my outcast friends survive the confrontation, much less make it out of the fortress undetected and alive?
As the door handle rattled, Ruby stood. “Promise you will do everything within your power to escape?”