I wouldn’t be where I am now—fighting for my life and wondering if the person I love cares enough to save me from this hell.
With my eyes closed, ready to just be done with all of this, I see a burst of light behind my eyelids as someone flips on the light switch and I hear Brady’s voice. But I know it’s not real. It can’t be real. I’m hearing it because I want to hear it. I want him to love me back, and I want him to be here making all of this go away.
“Put the gun down, Finn! NOW!”
The dream is so real I swear I hear Brady screaming. It makes me smile, knowing that my last thoughts are of him, even if he doesn’t love me. His strong, deep voice washes over me and warms every inch of my cold body.
“NO! It’s over! It’s all fucking over! I’ve ruined everything!” Finn shouts back.
“Don’t do this, Finn. You killed Billy, you did something good to make up for all of the bad. Put the gun down so we can get out of here,” Brady argues.
My eyes slowly open and I gingerly turn my head to the side, the cold, unblinking eyes of Billy looking right at me a few feet away with a bloody bullet hole right in the middle of his forehead.
“Come on, man. The building is about to blow. We all need to get the fuck out of here right now.”
Another man’s voice echoes through the room, and it’s not one I recognize. I can’t tell if this is a dream anymore. They said Billy was dead and he is. I’m looking right at him, but I don’t know if what I’m seeing is real. I don’t know if what I’m hearing is really happening. It’s all so confusing and I just want to go to sleep.
“I can’t leave! Don’t you understand? I deserve this! I deserve to die here!” Finn shouts.
His words make me sad for some reason. No matter what he did, no one deserves to die here all alone.
“Don’t make me shoot you, man. Put the gun down. I need to get Layla out of here, Finn. Look at her. She’s barely holding on,” Brady pleads with a shaky voice.
I suddenly feel a hand on my face, and I want to tell whoever it is not to touch me. It hurts. Everything hurts.
“I’m sorry, Layla. I’m so sorry. I just wanted what you had. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was so mad at you for getting everything and you didn’t even want it. I should have never made that phone call to Billy. I should have known he wouldn’t let it be that simple,” Finn tells me with a sob as I feel his hands smoothing the hair off of my face.
“Get away from her, Finn, right now!” Brady screams, his voice closer than it was before.
“I’m so messed up in the head, Layla. I’m messed up and I fucked up. You need to know that I changed my mind. I wasn’t going to bring you here today. But Billy knew it and he followed me and he slammed into my SUV and made me bring you here. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Lay. It will be over soon. Don’t worry, it will all be over soon,” Finn coos softly next to my ear.
I hear the cock of a gun and shut my mind off, knowing that this is the end.
“GOD DAMMIT, FINN! NO!”
Explosions from several different guns go off all at once and the noise ricochets off of the walls and all around me. I don’t feel like I’ve been shot but who knows. I’m already in so much pain I probably wouldn’t even notice if a bullet pierced my skin anyway. I let myself drift away in the darkness, happy for the first time since all of this started.
I’m dying. I can feel it. My head is fuzzy from the blood loss. A couple of punches to the head wouldn’t be much for some people, but it’s everything to someone with my condition. My blood doesn’t clot like a normal person; it just pours and pours out of me until there’s nothing left. My lungs are filling up with smoke, and it hurts too much to cough to get it out. Nothing flows past my lips but a few gasps and whimpers. I let the smoke travel down my throat and enter my body hoping the