Because I Want To - Grace R. Duncan Page 0,23

a moment, I’m sure you can guess exactly when it happened.”

Matt didn’t even have to think. It was one of the last times they’d had sex during Adam’s most recent heat. The time they’d both pretty much lost their minds when their suppressants ran out. The one he’d bitten himself to keep from biting Adam. He hadn’t paid attention to the condom, and it quite possibly could have been broken in some small way, but neither of them had had the wherewithal to realize it. That particular bout of sex had been so rough, so desperate, he couldn’t help wondering if it’d been their bodies, so used to being together over the years, trying to bypass their attempts at fighting pregnancy. Even though Matt hadn’t bitten Adam, Matt was the only alpha to ever have sex with him, and certainly the only one during any of Adam’s heats. Perhaps Adam’s body recognized Matt as its alpha in some way?

He dropped his gaze to Adam’s lower abdomen, his heart now starting to beat fast. He didn’t even think about what he was doing; he simply laid a hand over the place his child was growing. “Holy shit.”

“Um, no. Nothing holy about it. I’m pretty sure we conceived in the conventional way.”

That brought a laugh out of Matt. “Yeah, pretty much. Not that that time was exactly typical for us, even during your heat.” As it sank in, really sank in, what was happening, his face spread into a smile that he was pretty sure was downright goofy. And he couldn’t give a damn about that.

Adam chuckled. “No, no it wasn’t.” He even smiled, and some of the anxiety on his face faded. “So, uh….”

“Geez, yeah. We have a lot to figure out.” Matt swallowed hard, realizing he needed to come clean about how he felt about Adam. He knew Adam’s feelings, but this brought a whole new pile of worries, and if Adam was going to carry Matt’s child, he at least deserved to know everything. “Uh… first, though.”

Matt took a deep breath, his palms started sweating, and his heart kicked up into triple time. He knew what Adam would say, but he needed to get this out. It was going to hurt when Adam didn’t return the words, but maybe it was better. Maybe then he could put his own feelings away and they could at least be good friends for the sake of their child.

Swallowing again, he looked down at his best friend. He really, really hoped this didn’t fuck things up. “I love you.”

Adam blinked at him several times in silence, face almost blank. That was so not the reaction Matt expected. His cheeks got hotter every second Adam stayed silent.

“Um…”

“Are you joking?” Adam sounded almost… hurt?

Matt actually scowled, because for some reason, the expression on Adam’s face hit Matt really wrong. “Why the hell would I joke about something like that?”

Adam winced. “Sorry. I… well, isn’t this a day,” he muttered, and shook his head again.

Matt didn’t say anything more, his hand trembling. He’d known Adam wouldn’t want Matt’s feelings, but it still hurt, way more than he’d expected. Matt tried to pull his hand back from Adam’s stomach, but Adam dropped his own hand over it and held on.

“I love you too. I have for a long time.”

“Wait… what?” Matt’s eyes widened, and it was his turn to stare in shock.

“Uh… I think you heard me.” Adam’s cheeks reddened and he looked away.

Matt succeeded in pulling his hand out this time and reached up to turn Adam’s face back. “Say it again.”

Adam sighed and closed his eyes. “I love you.”

Matt closed his own eyes and let out a breath, a little dizzy. He leaned in and laid his lips over Adam’s, keeping it soft, gentle, even chaste. Relief filled him when Adam returned the kiss, even cupping Matt’s cheek with one hand. When he pulled back, he opened his eyes again and brushed his fingers over Adam’s cheek. “I love you. I… I was ready for you to tell me you were sorry but that you couldn’t return my feelings.”

“Well. Surprise?”

Matt chuckled, then laughed. “Yeah.” His smile faded, though, when he realized he hadn’t asked something. Something really important. He thought he knew what Adam would say, but considering Adam’s stance on pairing and relationships, he wasn’t entirely sure. “Uh… so, um, about the… baby. Do you… um…. What do you… err… fuck,” he whispered, closing his eyes again. How the hell did he ask this?

“I’m