I said softly, reverently.
“As to what will happen,” said the Captain, going back to the question at hand, “there is Lady Elvera, who asks about you constantly.”
“Captain, I am so happy here ...” I said.
“I know. I shall do what I can. But continue to be obedient, Laurent. You have another three years to serve somewhere, I am sure of it.”
“Captain, there is one more thing,” I said.
“What is it?”
“Princess Beauty.... Do you ever hear anything of her?”
His face grew a little sad, wistful.
“Only that she’s sure to be already married by this time. The suitors were beating down the door.”
I looked away from him, not wanting to reveal my expression. Beauty married. Time had not made me miss her less.
“She is a great Princess now, Laurent,” said the Captain, teasing me. “You are having disrespectful thoughts, I can see it!”
“Yes, Captain,” I said. We both smiled. But it wasn’t easy. “Captain, grant me a favor. When you do hear for certain that she has been married, don’t tell me. I would rather not know.”
“That isn’t like you, Laurent,” he said.
“I know. How explain it? I knew her only a little while.”
Coupling in the dark in the hold of the ship, her little face blood-red as she came beneath me, her hips pumping so ecstatically, she all but lifted my weight with her, off the floor. Of course, the Captain didn’t know that part of it. Or did he? I tried to put it out of my mind.
Weeks passed. I couldn’t keep track of them. I didn’t want to know how fast the time was running out.
Then one night Tristan confided to me with joyful tears that the Queen was giving him over to Nicolas when the year was out. He would be Nicolas’s private pony and sleep again in Nicolas’s chamber. He was ecstatic.
“I’m happy for you,” I said again.
But what would befall me when the moment came? Would I be put up on the auction block, and bought by some wicked old cobbler, and made to sweep out his shop while the ponies trotted past the door in all their glory? Ah! I couldn’t think of it. I couldn’t believe in anything else but this! Days following days....
In the recreation yard, I devoured Jerard as if each moment was our last. And then one evening at twilight when I was just finished with him and pulling him up into my arms for a little tender nuzzling, I saw a pair of boots standing before me. And looking up, I realized it was the Captain of the Guard.
He never came out here. I went pale.
“Your Majesty,” he said. “Please rise. I have a message of the greatest importance. I must ask you to come with me.”
“No!” I said. I stared at him in horror, thinking madly that if I could somehow stop his lips the words wouldn’t work their evil spell. “It can’t be time yet! I’m supposed to serve for three more years!”
We had all heard Beauty’s screams when she’d been told of her reprieve. I wanted to roar just as loudly now.
“I’m afraid it’s true, Your Majesty!” he said. And, extending his hand, he helped me to my feet.
It was amazing, the awkwardness between us. And right there in the stables were clothes for me and two young boys, with heads bowed not to see my nakedness, who helped me to put the clothes on.
“Must this be done here!” I demanded. I was in a rage. But I was trying to hide my grief, my utter shock. I stared at Gareth as the boys buttoned my tunic and laced my breeches. I looked down in silent fury at my boots, my gloves. “Couldn’t you have had the decency to take me up to the castle for this little ritual! I mean I’ve never seen it done right here on the hay-strewn floor!”
“Forgive me, Your Majesty!” the Captain said. “But this news couldn’t wait.”
He glanced at the open door. I saw two of the Queen’s most important advisers, both of whom had used me well at the castle, and now they too stood with bowed heads. I was on the edge of tears. Again I looked at Gareth. He too was about to cry.
“Goodbye, my beautiful Prince,” he said, and he knelt in the hay and kissed my hand.
“‘Prince’ is no longer the proper address for our gracious ally,” said one of the advisers, advancing. “Your Majesty, I bring you the sad news that your father has died,