Beauty in Ashes (Phoenix Rising #7)- Harper Wylde Page 0,59
him a little more for knowing when I needed to work out my aggression.
My hands were bloodied despite the wraps by the time my arms refused to lift, and I dropped my head backward, letting the blood drip from my fists to the mats below.
“Feeling better?” my Celt drawled, striding across the floor until he reached me and moved to pick up my hands to inspect my wounds.
“Don’t,” I warned and stepped back, pulling myself out of his grasp. “I’m bleeding, don’t touch me.”
“Nix,” Theo scolded. “Is that what this is about? You think you’re going to hurt someone?”
“I did, didn’t I?” I glared at my Kraken, hurt from the wince that crossed his face as he drew closer. “You won’t let me see her,” I growled, my upset leaking into my tone. “Why won’t you let me see her?”
“She doesn’t want to see anyone right now.” Theo’s face softened. “It’s not you, Nix. Molly’s just… different.” Something else. Though he didn’t say the words out loud, I’d felt them echo unintentionally through our mental link since I came back from my rebirth. What that meant, I wasn’t exactly sure, but I knew it wasn’t good, wasn’t natural.
“Because of me.” I began unwrapping my hands, relishing the sting of my wounds. I marched away from my mates, the rest of them gathered in the doorway, testing my mood one at a time, it seemed.
“You saved her.” Theo followed me, his blue gaze glacial and unyielding. “My sister is still alive because of you and whatever magic your Phoenix wove.”
“Maybe I was selfish.” I tossed the wraps into the trash can with barely a glance at the red, raw, split skin on my abused knuckles. “I saved her for myself because I couldn’t imagine losing her. I saved her for you because I didn’t want you to lose your sister. I wanted her to have a future. I didn’t mean to turn her into something else. I never meant to steal her life away. I was trying to make sure she still had one to live.”
I’d been over the argument in my head a dozen times already, and I still couldn’t fathom letting Molly’s soul disappear in the ether for good. I just… couldn’t even imagine it.
“Saving Molly was selfish, Nix, but it was also selfless,” Killian reasoned, condemning my self-hate even as he gave me the blunt truth the way I knew he always would. “You did what any one of us would have done if we’d been able to.”
“None of us know the full extent of Molly’s changes yet, but she’s alive, and I’m grateful for that, Nix.”
“You’re not mad?”
“What?” Theo asked incredulously. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was upset with you for trying to save my sister. My not letting you see Molly doesn’t have anything to do with wanting to keep you away from her, I’m trying to respect Molly’s wish for privacy. That’s all. I promise. And if I haven’t seemed like myself, it’s because I’m just… mourning the loss of who she used to be the same way she’s coming to terms with everything. That doesn’t mean we won’t all adjust. She has a chance at a future she would have been denied if your Phoenix hadn’t stepped in. You gave your life to save hers. How could you think I’m upset about that?”
“I mean, don’t do it again,” Killian grumbled. “I can’t take more rebirths, Nix. They give me a damn heart attack every fucking time.”
His surly muttering almost brought a smile to my face, but I was still too raw to let myself feel happy.
“Agreed,” Joshua added with a shudder as he joined us in the gym. “That’s a visual I won’t be able to forget anytime soon.”
“That was only your first one. Just wait. It doesn’t get any easier,” Killian groused unhelpfully.
“Thank you for the reassuring pep talk.” Joshua rolled his eyes.
They bantered while I bit my lip, and when they grew quiet, my gaze sought Theo’s.
“She hates me, doesn’t she?” I whispered instead, needing to know if Molly resented me for what I’d done. Would she have rather died than be whatever it was she was now? Not quite Kraken, not quite herself—something different in the aftermath of that much Phoenix blood, after forcing her body and soul through a rebirth that it was never meant to experience.
“I don’t think Molly knows how to feel right now. She’s not really talking to any of us. She won’t