“I want you. All of you. I want to know what happened to you as a child. I want to know your favorite color, your hobbies. I want to see where you grew up in Mexico. But most of all, I want to help you escape your past. Like I know you can help me. And…I want…” My voice trailed off as I fell into the warmth of his gaze.
“What?”
“I want to fall in love with you.”
Mae
Falling in love with Matteo would be the best decision I had ever made…but giving him that part of myself would make me vulnerable.
“Mae,” he said, his voice gruff.
“I don’t expect you to feel the same way. We both have a history…but I…”
“I refuse to give someone the chance to break me…again.”
I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat and stepped out of his embrace. “Okay…well I…I’ll leave then.”
“No.” Matteo grabbed my arm, spinning me towards him. “That’s not what I…shit.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Come.” He guided me to the living room and sat on the couch, pulling me down beside him. “I was raised to use women. They were for one thing and one thing only. After my mom died, I found out my dad changed completely. He loved her more than his own existence. I’m not a nice man, Mae. I’ve fucked women because I had nothing better to do. I would force their submission because their cries of protest turned me on. But you,” he pulled me onto his lap, running his fingers through my hair. “You’ve made me see that there is more. That not every woman wants to destroy me.”
“I would never—”
“I know.” He let out a heavy sigh.
“Do you know that, Matteo?”
“What?”
“We’ve been dating for what feels like a lifetime even though it’s only been a couple of weeks. Sometimes we move forward and then something sets us back where we close off from each other.”
Matteo looked down at his hand on my hip, his fingers brushing back and forth over my skin.
When he didn’t say anything, I continued. “When Morgan came to you, I thought I lost you before I even found you. And then tonight Andre…he scared me, Matteo. I didn’t know who he was until he mentioned his son’s name. I should have known. I knew something was off at the restaurant. But I thought I was being paranoid.”
“Marketa—”
“No! I need to be strong. I can’t keep looking over my shoulder. I can’t keep living in fear. I moved here so I would be safe.” I rose from his lap, grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around me. “Cello and Nika have done so much for me. My dad has done what he can even though he’s miles away. And you…I can’t begin to tell you what you’ve done. But something is missing.”
Matteo pushed to his feet and grabbed my hand.
“I can feel it,” I muttered, watching him slip his fingers between mine.
“It’s like a hole in your chest,” he said finally.
I nodded.
“It’s like you can’t breathe. No air is there to take into your lungs.”
I nodded again.
Matteo cupped my cheek, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip. “What we have…whatever this is, I want more too. I’m willing to fight my demons for you. I refuse to give into the darkness.”
“We can battle the darkness together.”
“How? I’m man enough to admit that my darkness scares the shit out of me. I have no fucking idea how to battle this. But,” his voice thickened. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. I can’t…I need you.”
“Mae,” he whispered.
Leaning into his hand, my eyes fluttered closed. “I’m…” I couldn’t say it. I wasn’t even sure how I felt. Did I love him? Did I even know what love was? As soon as we said those words, everything would change. Walls would crash, leaving us open for possible heartbreak.
“Marketa.” Matteo’s voice deepened, running over my name like melted chocolate.
“I’m scared.” I gripped his shirt.
He gave me a small smile. “I’m scared too. I’m almost forty and yet I’m like a teenager afraid his first crush will hurt him.”
My eyes snapped to his. “I’m scared you’ll rip my heart out and leave me for…for Morgan.” Bile rose to my throat at the mere mention of her name.
“Never. Please believe me. I don’t want her. I’ve never wanted her. Not in the way I want you. She forced herself into my life. And she forced her men