everything is normal and fine as he rambles on and on about something I couldn’t care less about.
He seems to get that I’m not in the mood for talking and lets me be quiet as we make our way back to his car then back to school where I can grab my car.
I don’t say much to him at all.
I can’t. That purposeful step away from me told me everything I need to know.
He pulls up at the school and my hand is immediately on the door handle, desperate to get away from him and the embarrassment I feel about that rejection. He might be trying to play it down and act like it didn’t happen, but it definitely did.
“Abigail?”
I clear my throat. “I’m really tired and need to get home.”
He nods and I think he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t.
“Sasha,” I blurt out, because I’m so damn insecure about myself and my feelings that I can’t talk to him about how he just rejected me and how that made me feel and instead want to protect myself and act like it never happened.
He furrows his brow. “What about her?”
She’s the one he wants.
“I need to set you up on that date.” I try to force a smile, but I can tell it’s nowhere near convincing. “I haven’t forgotten. I’ll get on that ASAP.”
I don’t wait for him to say anything else to that, because I can’t. I get out of his car and into my own as fast as I can because it hurts to be near him right now.
Him rejecting me hurts. Big time.
30
I have never in my life been to school this early.
And I feel sick.
Absolutely sick to my stomach with nerves.
I bite down on my bottom lip, hoping and praying I’ve done enough to get through these tests as Ellie turns into the school driveway and follows my directions to the main entrance. She surprised me by waiting for me by my car with coffee and a bagel this morning, telling me she was going to drive me to school so I could just sit and focus on the task at hand. I swear I nearly burst into tears at the fact that she remembered what today is and the thoughtfulness of it.
She pulls up beside the entrance as I stare at the doors. I really don’t want to go in there.
School doesn’t start for another two hours, but I just wanted to get this over with, and Coach and Ms. Sallinson agreed I could start early and take both two-hour tests starting at 5:30am (apparently Ms. Sallinson comes in early anyway) so I would be done by ten and then hopefully they’d be graded by the end of the day.
I can’t stand the thought of being on edge thinking about them all day and wondering if I passed, and I definitely can’t handle the thought of having to wait overnight for the results.
This way I should know my fate by the end of the day.
“You’ve got this, Abs.”
I turn away from the door and force a smile for my sister.
“I’m being serious. I’m so proud of you for working so hard.”
I nod my head. I’m proud of me too, but it will all be for nothing if I don’t pass.
She leans forward and pulls me into a quick, tight hug before letting me go. “Thanks El.”
She winks at me before I realize I can’t avoid it anymore and have to face my future.
I climb out of her car as my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out to see a message from Chase wishing me luck this morning. It’s the latest of several I’ve received from Sasha, Jennifer, Sophie, Livy, Jackson, and the rest, and I’m grateful that they’re thinking of me but can’t help feeling pressure and expectation.
I really wish I hadn’t messed up so much to get to this point.
Ellie waves at me as she drives away, and I take a deep breath and start walking up the steps to school.
“Hey!”
I turn at the noise and nearly fall over when I see Brett standing at the bottom of the stairs. He sort of waves at me in an awkward way before walking up the steps to join me.
We spoke to each other yesterday, just him briefly telling me not to study too much last night, and I agreed then moved away from him, saying I had somewhere to be. It hurt being that close to him after