round of Freebird, Sweet Home Alabama, and some KISS, although nobody knew why KISS. But even the KISS had been worth it to take her mind off the details of her life. She’d admit full loser status when she walked into the kitchen the next morning to turn in her chef's coat. Deb may be in denial, but Gwen knew her hobby wasn’t enough to justify anything past the semester. She wasn’t cut out to be in a professional kitchen. She’d finish psych. and go back to her own kitchen and hope she could straighten out her life, maybe get a job, although her unemployment felt bone deep.
She’d been laid off from her whole life, and she considered it was kind of what had happened to the tailbone. A man didn’t need one anymore and still there it was. She was a tonsil, an appendix. She was the encyclopedia entry for evolution. That didn’t sound bad. Maybe she'd just evolved and was really ahead of herself and not a wreck at all.
She considered the stages of Missy’s childhood and the stages of her marriage. Missy had grown up to leave her, sing in a bar, and never call. Steve had skipped the growing old part with her to grow young again with a new woman. Had she evolved? No, she’d been turfed because she hadn’t.
Putting her key in her dorm door, she noticed in the dim of the hall, a sticky note. In very light pencil it said TV room. She wondered if it was from Annie, the writing almost too fine to read. She opened her door, chucked her bag onto the bed, and headed to the lounge.
Her daughter slept on the sectional couch, all curled up in the corner. Missy's chestnut hair, the dark of Steve’s with Gwen’s own red in there, swept across the side of her face. She looked closer to thirteen than eighteen, all relaxed in sleep, and Gwen sat across from her, careful not to jostle the couch cushions too much.
She watched her daughter sleep, and wanted to keep on watching her and, at the same time, wake her up to be assured that nothing was wrong. Of course something was wrong. Missy wouldn’t be there if everything was great. She’d be just as gone as she’d been. Gone and not even calling. For the first time, she felt a flash of anger. Missy worried her gone, and now worried her there and, just like a child, slept cluelessly through it all.
Missy would wake up, and Gwen would spring into action. She knew exactly what the tailbone would do given the chance to be useful. It would go back to being a tailbone. But being a tailbone hadn’t gotten her anywhere. It might not even have been best for Missy. Or Steve. She should have been more independent, less of a caretaker. Although she couldn’t help but think that if she’d evolved, it could have hastened the divorce papers and caused Missy to do exactly what she’d done anyway.
Missy stirred, opened her eyes.
Gwen smiled, and Missy burst into tears.
Chapter Eleven
Sometimes mistakes are made even in the best kitchens.
Gwen covered the big bases first. No violent crimes had been committed against her girl. Missy had, of course, committed none. Gwen knew she hadn’t screwed her child up that much. No drug or alcohol problems. No pregnancy, thank god.
Missy sat hiccupping on the couch. "Austin said he needed to be alone, but he needed to be alone with Kari. She waitressed on the weekends. She’s lots older and has a regular job and works at night to make extra money. Can you believe that? Extra money? What’s that about?"
Gwen shrugged. "I’m sure I don’t know. And I’m sorry about Austin, but what about the band?"
"I left."
"You left the band? Honey, I thought that was what you really wanted. You gave up going to college for it."
"I did want it. I so did, Mom."
"Then what are you doing here, Missy?" She stopped herself. "Sorry, M."
"No, it’s just Missy. Austin called me M." She began to cry again. "I can’t go on without Austin. You know what it’s like, Mom. It’s like he was my whole life."
Gwen felt ill. She’d just been given an F in demonstrating how to live to her very own daughter.
"I was going home, and Grandma told me you weren’t there. She didn’t say anything before and then to just come to her house because there was something I needed to know, and I’m