of it made any sense at all.
She gave a sigh of frustration as she shouldered her way through the doors into the ICU. She had no time to think about it now. Grateful that her request to continue to care for Abbie had been heeded, she would focus on the girl and put her needs first. Glancing towards the bed, she wasn’t surprised to see that Kath was there as always. But she also noticed one piece of equipment missing from the side of Abbie’s bed, and that could only be a good thing. The nurse she was replacing saw her arrive and made her way across to the nurses’ station.
‘Great news, Ellie. Abbie’s off the ventilator and she’s much more responsive. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet, but her reaction to pain is good, and she’s breathing by herself now. Kath and Brian haven’t left her side - it’s always one or the other. But I’m quite worried about Kath. She doesn’t eat when she’s here, and she’s constantly talking about how they’ve let Abbie down. We had a couple of emergencies this morning, so I’ve not had much time to talk to her, but see what you can do will you? She shouldn’t be getting herself into such a state.’
When Ellie arrived at the bedside, the first thing she noticed was that Kath’s hand was shaking as she played with a handkerchief on her lap. Not so much from nerves, Ellie thought, but more from exhaustion. Ellie squeezed Kath’s shoulder and smiled at her by way of greeting.
‘I’m pleased to see the ventilator’s gone. You must be delighted. But you know, you might want to get a bit more sleep and make sure you eat,’ Ellie suggested quietly. ‘When Abbie comes round, she’s going to want you to be strong and able to look after her. All the signs are good now, so do take care of yourself too.’
‘I don’t suppose that Abbie will ever want to speak to me again, when she wakes up,’ Kath said.
‘Kath, you have to know that’s complete nonsense,’ Ellie said. ‘Of course she’ll want to speak to you. You’re her mum, so what makes you think that?’
‘I let her down, didn’t I? I promised we’d always keep her safe, and we didn’t. After what happened to Jessica, we swore to Abbie that we wouldn’t let anything happen to her. And look at her now. She doesn’t deserve this, you know.’
Ellie was quiet for a moment. She didn’t know who Jessica was, and wasn’t sure she should ask. Kath glanced up at her.
‘Jessica was Abbie’s sister. It’s not something we share with many people. It’s Abbie’s tale to tell, as and when she’s ready. But right now, I need somebody to talk to, and I know you won’t say anything.’
‘You can trust me, Kath. That’s a promise,’ she said.
Kath was looking down at her hands, clasping and unclasping them on her lap. She spoke without looking up.
‘Jessica was only two, and Abbie was four when it happened. Do you know, Jessica’s middle name was Chloe? That makes it even worse. I’m sure Abbie felt a connection. But nobody else could have known that, could they? It was all so long ago. Everybody must have forgotten about it by now.’
Ellie reached for Kath’s hand.
‘Are you sure you want to talk about this? I know it must have been years ago, but whatever happened, I’m sure it’s still painful. I didn’t know you had another daughter.’
Kath gave Ellie a puzzled frown, followed by a glimmer of a smile through her tears.
‘Oh no. Jessica wasn’t our child. Abbie’s adopted, I thought you knew that. I assumed it would be in her records.’
‘I had no idea. She seems like your child in every way. No parents could care more than you do.’
‘We’ve had her for a long time, so it feels as if she’s ours. I couldn’t have children so we went for adoption and we were lucky enough to get Abbie. Poor thing - she was a complete mess, and was terrified of the dark. She still is. We never told anybody that she wasn’t ours, and Abbie never said. None of her friends knew, but you know that Chloe? Well, she said that she was adopted too, and that was another link they had. She was the first person that our Abbie admitted it to. That’s how close they got on that bloody website. Abbie still misses Jessica.’
Kath pulled a small photo album from her