I don’t know, Rhea. I just don’t know.”
“I can’t believe you’re still saying that you might do what your father did,” Rhea said. “How can you say that to me and also ask me to get back together with you? How could I ever trust you, knowing that that’s how you feel about it?”
“Rhea, I would never do anything without your approval,” Zach said. “And this is an abstract discussion anyway, isn’t it? I’m talking about whether I can understand why my father did what he did. I’m not talking about whether I would actually do it.”
Rhea shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said. “What you’re saying… it makes it hard for me to believe you’re the person I thought you were.”
Zach took a deep breath. It was time to lay his cards on the table. It was an intimidating prospect, and one that filled him with anxiety. But he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t try everything he could to win Rhea over.
“I fell in love with you,” he told her.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Years ago,” he said. “When we were in college together. Do you remember that kiss we shared at the bar that night?”
She said nothing.
“You do remember.”
“What difference does it make? That was a long time ago. Everything is different now.”
“Not everything,” Zach said. “One thing is the same. I realized that night that I had feelings for you, Rhea. I know you and I agreed not to let anything romantic develop between us because we didn’t want to risk our friendship, and I think that was the right choice at the time. But now that we’ve found each other again, I realize that I have the same feelings now as I did back then. They’ve never gone away. I’m in love with you, Rhea.”
“Don’t say that,” she said.
“Why not?” he asked. “It’s the way I feel. Why shouldn’t I say it?”
“Because nothing can happen between us,” she said. “This can’t go anywhere. There’s no future for you and me, and I don’t want us getting our hearts broken over it.”
He felt wretched. “I thought you said you could forgive me,” he said.
“I can,” she told him. “I do. But it isn’t enough. Because even though I forgive you for what you said… I just don’t think I can trust you.”
“You can,” he said. “I know it’s hard to get past what my father did. But I’m not him, Rhea. I would never do anything to hurt you or your family. I swear it.”
She nodded, looking despondent.
“I believe that you mean that,” she said. “But I just don’t know if I can put my faith in it.”
Chapter 16
Rhea
The rest of dinner was awkward. Rhea would have liked to leave, but they had already ordered their food, and it would have felt wrong to get up and abandon Zach in the restaurant.
Besides, little though she wanted to admit it, there was something nice about being in his company again. She had missed him, and she was glad to be with him again now.
So she lingered, picking at her food and trying to find excuses to prolong the meal. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to justify meeting up with him again after this. Wouldn’t it just be delaying the inevitable?
Of course, I suppose we’ll have to continue seeing each other to make arrangements for the baby.
She was surprised at the wash of relief that swept over her at the thought. Meeting up with Zach to discuss their child’s needs didn’t seem like a chore or a burden. It felt like a safety net, like a tether that would prevent them from drifting too far away from one another.
In spite of everything, I guess we can’t lose each other now.
It was a good thought.
Zach set down his napkin. “Listen,” he said. “I understand what you’re saying, and I respect it, but I’m just not ready to accept it.”
“That doesn’t sound like you respect it,” Rhea pointed out.
“I can’t let you go, Rhea,” he said. “I can’t forget the way I feel about you.”
“Well, I don’t know that I can look past the things your father has done,” she said.
“Even though I didn’t do those things myself?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
That wasn’t true. It did matter. Of course it did. She believed wholeheartedly now that he hadn’t been involved in his father’s crimes. She believed that he had had no knowledge of them. And it was a relief to know that, because