Azazel - By Isaac Asimov Page 0,12

him. I had known him as an infant when, as I recall, I had once held him, at the request of his mother, who was breast-feeding him to repletion, while she rearranged her dress. These things form a bond.

I said, "Would you be happier, my dear friend, if you did attract attention?"

"It would be paradise," he said, simply.

Could I deny him paradise? I put the matter to Azazel, who as usual was sulky about it. "Couldn't you ask me for a diamond?" he said. "I can manage you a good half-carat stone of the first water by rearranging the atoms in a small piece of coal - but irresistibility to women? How do I do that?"

"Couldn't you rearrange some atoms in him?" said I, trying to be helpful. "I want to do something for him, if only out of regard for his mother's awesome nutritional equipment."

"Well, let me think. Human beings," said Azazel, "secrete pheromones. Of course, with your modern penchant for bathing at every opportunity and for drenching yourselves in artificial scent, you are scarcely aware of the natural way of inspiring sentiment. I can, perhaps, so rearrange your friend's biochemical makeup as to cause the production of unusual quantities of an unusually effective pheromone when the sight of one of the ungainly females of your repellent species impinges upon his retina."

"You mean he'll stink?"

"Not at all. It will scarcely surface as a conscious odor but it will have its effect en the female of the species in the form of a dim and atavistic desire to come closer and to smile. She will probably be stimulated to form answering pheromones of her own and I presume that everything that follows will be automatic."

"The very thing, then," I said, "for I am certain that young Theophilus will give a good account of himself. He is an upstanding fellow with drive and ambition."

That Azazerel's treatment was effective I discovered when I next stumbled upon Theophilus. It was at a sidewalk cafe.

It took me a moment to see him, for what initially attracted my attention was a group of young women distributed in circular symmetry. I am, fortunately, unperturbed by young women since I have reached the age of discretion, but it was summer and they were, one and all, dressed in a calculated insufficiency of clothing which I - as is suitable in a man of discretion - discreetly studied.

It was only after several minutes during which, I remember, I noted the strain and tension placed upon a button that kept a particular blouse closed, and speculated whether - But that is neither here nor there. It was only after several minutes that I noted that it was none other than Theophilus who was at the center of the circular arrangement and who seemed to be the cynosure of these summery women. No doubt the gathering warmth of the afternoon accentuated his pheromonic potency.

I made my way into the ring of femininity and, with fatherly smiles and winks and an occasional avuncular pat of the shoulder, sat down at a chair next to Theophilus, one which a winsome lass had vacated for me with a petulant pout. "Theophilus, my young friend" I said, "this is a charming and inspiring sight."

It was then I noticed that there was a small frown of appalling sadness upon his face. I said with concern, "What is wrong?"

He spoke through motionless lips in a whisper so low I scarcely heard him. "For God's sake, get me out of here."

I am, of course, as you know, a man of infinite resource. It was the work of a moment for me to rise and say, "Ladies, my young friend here, as the result of a fundamental biologic urge, must visit the men's room. If you will all sit here, he will be right back."

We entered the small restaurant and left by the rear door. One of the young ladies, who had biceps that bulged in a most unlovely manner, and who had an equally unlovely streak of suspicion in her, had made her way around to the rear of the restaurant, but we saw her in time and managed to make it to a taxi. She pursued us, with appalling fleetness, for two blocks.

Secure in Theophilus's room, I said, "Clearly, Theophilus, you have discovered the secret of attracting young women. Is not this the paradise you longed for?"

"Not quite," said Theophilus, as he slowly relaxed