Autumn's Wild Heart (Seasons #4) - Laura Landon Page 0,21

“I don’t deserve your kindness, James. I don’t deserve you being so lovely to me, so agreeable. Not after what I did to you.”

He sat in the chair next to hers and reached for her hands. He held them in his and gently squeezed her fingers. “Nella, I won’t pretend I’m happy about it, but I know your reason wasn’t intentional. I know you thought only to save me from entrapment.”

“Nothing worked out the way I thought it would, James. I never thought to force you into marrying me.”

“I know you didn’t, Nella. But, it’s too late to cry over spilled milk. We need to make the best of the cards we’ve been dealt.”

James prayed for the crying to stop. It helped nothing, and just made both of them feel worse.

“Do you know how special you are, James?” she asked as she wiped the tears that ran down her face.

A damn of guilt cracked somewhere inside him. Special? Him? Hardly.

He strove for a light-hearted tone.

“Of course I do, Nella. You’ve told me several times and I refuse to think you’d lie to me.”

She smiled and he patted her hands. It was awkward. He’d made it awkward. Because he’d given little thought to her fears and conducted himself only in neutral ways, ways designed to make her comfortable within the box he wanted her to live in.

James rose. “I have more work to do, Nella. Will you be all right?”

She gave him a smile, although the cheer wasn’t reflected in her eyes.

“Yes, James. I’ll say goodnight.”

She rose and left before he could form another thought.

She would be all right. She’d said so, hadn’t she?

James went back to his study to work on his ledgers.

He didn’t want her to feel bad about what had happened on that night that started the whole debacle. He thought of what a hectic life with someone like Lady Blanche would be compared to the genteel life he was experiencing with Nella and it startled him. Other than having a wife with a marvelous figure, he could think of no other benefits. But life with Nella?

Well, it was certainly more congenial than he could ever have imagined.

Chapter 7

Nella sat down at the piano and lost all track of time. It’s what she did when she was frustrated. When she needed to take her anger or annoyance out on something. Or someone. Except the only person with whom she was angry was herself.

Why was he being so nice? Why would he act the way he had? Agreeing to anything she requested. Supporting her with whatever she wanted: her desire to go into the village, her request for a horse to ride, her entreaty to deliver any letters she wrote to her family and friends, her suggestion to invite some friends for a country stay. Anything she wanted. As if he was eager to grant her every desire.

She pounded the keys as she played the most stormy piece in her repertoire. Then, she continued with a similarly thunderous piece. Nothing pianissimo or dolce would be among her choices today.

“Are you angry at someone?” he asked from the doorway.

Nella stopped playing and placed her hands in her lap.

“Me, perhaps?” he asked, stepping inside the room. He closed the door after himself.

“No. Myself.”

“Ah,” he said stepping up to her.

“Ah, what?”

“Ah, that explains everything.”

Nella looked up at him, knowing his nearness would cause her heart to spiral. “It explains nothing! Stop pretending that you understand me. That you know me. When you don’t. You don’t know the first thing about me. And if you did, you wouldn’t have the first thing to do with me.”

“Why would that be?”

Nella rose from the piano bench and moved to escape his closeness. She lifted a decanter and poured some of the contents into a glass. Before she could change her mind, she took a swallow and nearly choked.

He came up beside her and lifted another decanter and poured some of its contents into a glass. “Here. Drink this instead.”

She took the glass from his hand and drank. It was wine. She recognized the taste and liked it much better. She was sure she could get drunk on wine as easily as she could on that other disgusting intoxicant.

“Come, sit down.”

He brought the two decanters with him as he followed her to the sofa. He sat down beside her and placed the decanters on the table in front of them.

“Now, why are you angry at yourself?”

Nella lifted her glass and drank a long swallow. “It doesn’t