onto the bar then immediately jerking to his feet. As he walked by, he gripped my shoulder, leaning over. “I’m not the kind of man who will ever find happiness. I’ve learned to accept that.”
The admittance was haunting, more so than anything he’d ever said before. The words were also cathartic in so many ways, the fight I’d had with the man inside more difficult every day I remained in Afghanistan.
“You’re different, Austin. Don’t allow Vader to take over. He’s the soldier, not the man I’ve seen inside. Fight for that man because he’s a good friend of mine. When you accept absolute joy in your life, you’ll also find your happiness. Never forget.”
As he walked away, I had the terrible feeling that I’d never see him again.
I tossed back my glass of bourbon, glancing into the cracked and frosted mirror positioned behind the wall of bottle, a cold chill shifting down my spine. I could no longer look at the reflection of the man I’d become.
And that terrified me.
Exhaling, I jerked up, the vision of the abysmal bar remaining in the forefront of my mind. The darkness was oppressive, the air in the room suddenly stifling. Snake’s words reverberated in my mind, his advice a piece of the past I hadn’t thought about since that night in the dark bar.
The event had only been five days before his capture. I would bet Snake had experienced a premonition about his death, forcing him to search his soul. I held my head in my hands, fighting the anger and sadness inside.
It was time to let go of the past.
A slight sound drew my attention. When I looked over, my cock immediately twitched. Franny. She had that kind of effect on me every time I saw her.
She was sleeping so peacefully on her stomach, her long curls cascading down her back, one arm resting on the pillow. A sliver of the moon had found its way through the blinds, the single stream illuminating her face like a silver halo. In my mind, she’d never looked more beautiful. Reaching over, I adjusted the sheets, smiling as she purred, wiggling under the covers.
A cold sweat had broken out across my forehead, the dream more powerful than all the others. I rubbed my eyes and eased the comforter aside. There’d been no question we would share a room, yet I’d never felt so awkward, as if I didn’t belong. The feeling had kept me awake long after she’d fallen asleep in my arms.
However, there was no other place I’d rather be.
I padded toward the bathroom, closing the door before turning on the light. As I stared at my reflection, I realized I had the same haunted look I’d seen in Snake’s eyes the night in the bar, the weight of continuing guilt keeping me locked behind Vader’s shield of armor.
Happiness.
Wasn’t it an emotion that every human being sought, fighting for any chance if necessary? While I’d never really thought deeply about Snake’s words up to this point, they were a telling statement of his soul, a man fighting unspoken demons for as long as I could remember.
What troubled me was that I knew he hadn’t found his happiness before he died. He’d never been able to accept himself, either his misgivings or his good deeds. That’s why he’d pushed harder, ignoring the rules.
Maybe I was doing the exact same thing, my inability to let go hindering me from enjoying any aspect of my life.
With one exception.
Francesca.
She was the light in my life, the kind of center every man needed.
I exhaled as I turned on the cold water, lowering my head and splashing my face. Now I’d become philosophical. Hell, Snake would be proud.
Or maybe he’d chastise me for wasting another second of my life.
Grabbing a towel, I closed my eyes as I pressed it against my face, trying to control my breathing. I didn’t hear the sound of the door opening but the second soft fingers caressed my back, a shiver banked down my spine. I lifted my head and the sight of our combined reflection provided an entirely different set of emotions than before.
Joy.
Desire.
Anxiety.
Obsession.
And protective rage.
Franny kept her eyes on the mirror, a knowing expression on her face as she gently brushed her fingers around the various scars, rising onto her tiptoes to kiss each one, taking her time and willing the pain and heartache away. I was no longer surprised at her gentleness, but I was floored at the way a good portion