you’re relieved at not having to be in charge for the next couple of hours.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. My friend Axel used to bitch about it. He wanted to help, and bent over fucking backwards, but at times, it was exhausting. And there were days he wanted to tell everyone in Haven to fuck off and leave him alone.”
She glanced at him, lower lip caught between her teeth as she nodded. “I get that way, too, sometimes. And then I feel so petty and ungrateful. I mean they put their trust in me, look to me to keep them safe, but at times, I wish they wouldn’t need me so much. That I didn’t have the weight of all their expectations on my back.”
“Being needed can be a weighty thing,” he said softly. As Casey grew older, and independent, she’d disliked Cam’s overshadowing. Funny thing was, though, he missed the days she required him. For Cam, it was the thing that used to define him.
“I don’t mind it most of the time, but there are days when I wish I had someone I could lean on, someone to say, stay in bed an extra hour or let me handle this for you.”
“I’m sure Gorri and the others could do it.”
“And they do help as much as they can. But even they look to me, and yet I don’t know the answers either.” As if embarrassed by the admission, she quickened her pace. “Watch for spiders in the next section. Their webs are slightly corrosive.”
Cam noticed her rigid posture and wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her to use him for a little while. But he wouldn’t. Even if Kayda was asking for someone to lean on, it couldn’t be him.
Shouldn’t be him.
Because what if he really liked it? What if he didn’t want to leave a certain princess of ash? What if he wanted to be the one she could lean on forever?
The very idea. It was too soon. They’d just met and under the shittiest of circumstances. Yet every time he looked at her, something inside him tugged.
“You’re staring at me again,” she snapped from ahead.
“Not my fault your cute little ass is the only thing to look at.”
She stumbled. He might have grinned.
“Do you always remark on women’s posteriors?”
“Only the cute ones. And I did tell Gunner once he had some nice glutes.”
“How would you like it if I was staring at you?”
“I wouldn’t mind at all. You have pretty eyes.” The words coming out of his mouth belonged to someone else. Someone suave with the ladies.
She snorted. “You don’t need to flirt. I told you I’d take you to the tower.”
“I am not flirting.”
“Then keep your comments about my rear and eyes to yourself.”
He would try, but he was finding being around Kayda he didn’t act like himself.
For example, his next blurted question. “You don’t cohabit with anyone.” He’d noticed a few pairings of teens, but her quarters showed no signs.
“Because there’s been no one that interests me like that.”
“I guess the close proximity makes it difficult, especially if things don’t work out. A friend of mine called it shitting where you sleep.”
“Eloquent,” was her pert reply.
His turn to have his cheeks warm. “I just meant—”
“I know what you meant.” She turned to show him she smiled. “And not the only reason why I’ve chosen to not attach myself. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m the oldest one left.”
“Gorri’s not too far in age.”
“Gorri’s not interested in women. And while Lila is, either I’m not, or she’s too much like a sister for me.” She shrugged. “Besides, what’s the point? I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world.”
Was that the only reason she thought people had sex? What about pleasure or the comfort of being with someone?
Which made him wonder, since when did he care? In the past it was always about just satisfying a need. But the old crone had said he longed for love. A family.
Those both required someone. Someone he’d not yet found.
He stared once more at Kayda, and she sensed it. She flashed him a rude gesture. It made him smile. Soft and tough. A deadly combination.
They continued to walk, and he was silent for a moment. When he spoke, it was something he’d never admitted to anyone. “For a long time, I used to wonder why people bothered to have children. In Emerald, eking out an existence outside the domes took effort. Every day