Anyone But Nick (Anyone But... #3) - Penelope Bloom Page 0,32
out. Most people try to pull at the wrists from the outside, but you’ve got to get inside and then explode out—yeah, like that.”
I waited while my friends went from choking countermeasures to the best way to flex your fingers for gouging out eyeballs. I decided to go grab a coffee when they transitioned to how to blind somebody by whacking them with their ponytails—a technique I was pretty sure Iris was completely making up.
When I came back, they were both waiting for me with folded hands. “What?” I asked.
“Trying to escape the interrogation, are you?”
“Uh, no,” I said. “I was just giving you two time to play.”
“Self-defense is no game,” Kira said. She paused, then looked toward Iris, who nodded her approval.
I grinned. “You two are idiots.”
“Two idiots who will survive a choking attempt,” Iris said. “And you can try to change the subject all you want, but admit it. You’re going to fold when that King cock comes a-knockin’ at your door.”
“Nobody is folding,” I said. “Sometimes I feel like taking my bra off by lunchtime and slinging it out the window, but I don’t, just like I’m not going to let any feelings I may or may not have for Nick mean anything. I have a job to do, and that’s what is going to happen.”
Kira rolled her eyes as she did a half-assed job of repeating what I’d said in a robotic voice. “Must do job. Must ignore feelings. Must not have fun. Ever.”
“Kira’s right,” Iris said. “You’ve seen The Shining, right? You remember what happens to the dad when he gets too obsessed with his work? Because I’ll tell you right now, if you try to break through my bathroom door with an ax, I won’t just cower in the corner and scream. I’ll Tase your ass.” She whipped a Taser out from her belt and tried to twirl it on her finger, but it fell to the ground. Both prongs discharged into the wall the moment it hit the ground.
Iris scooped it back up and cleared her throat. “Just like that. You’d be the wall.”
“Don’t even pretend that was on purpose,” Kira said, laughing.
Iris blushed while she quietly reset the thing and put it back on her belt.
“I have the rest of my life to worry about fun,” I said. I was starting to feel exasperated. They really just didn’t get it, and Iris had the attention span of a poorly trained monkey. “If I keep my head down a little longer and focus on my career, I’ll be able to have so much more fun for the rest of my life.”
“Because money equals fun?” Kira asked.
“Hey. Neither of you get to pull that line on me. You married billionaires.”
Iris sighed. “Coincidentally, the guy you have all these feelings for is a billionaire. If you wound up marrying him, you’d get to have all that fun you are talking about.”
“I’m not going to pursue a guy because I want his money. I just want to . . .” I looked down. For some reason, it felt too personal to just blurt out, even though I’d basically explained it all to Nick yesterday. “It’s not about the money,” I said simply. “And what if this is my last chance at this kind of career and I throw it away because I’m chasing some guy who will end up breaking my heart?”
“Well,” Kira said, “what if this is your last chance to fix things with Nick too? If you had to choose between your career and your heart, which one are you willing to risk?”
“That’s a little dramatic,” Iris said. “She’s not going to lose her heart if it turns out Nick was actually the right guy all along. It’ll just kind of fester and get smelly, like that pack of chicken breasts you bought on the weekend because you were totally going to eat healthier this week, but every time dinner rolls around, you end up coming home with tacos and pizza, so by Friday it smells like death took a dump in your kitchen. For the rest of her life, no guy will ever want to get close because they’ll be able to smell it from a mile away. So tragic.”
I gave both my friends a level stare. “Sometimes, I wonder why I bother asking you two for advice at all.”
“That’s simple,” Iris said. “Because underneath that stony exterior, you’re like a fragile, delicate little flower who just wants to be cuddled.”