seagull. Wasn’t that clever of me?” He turned to his brother, bright-eyed. “Nobody can pick one seagull out of a crowd!”
“You’re brilliant,” drawled Lord Ermenwyr. “Go on.”
“So I spent the night like that, and all the lady seagulls fell in love with me. But I was thirsty by this morning, so I turned back into me and went walking along the harbor looking for a place to get a drink. Then I heard a yell, and when I turned around, there were those people again, and they had other people with them, and they were all coming after me with weapons drawn.”
“You booby, they’d had time to circulate your description,” Lord Ermenwyr told him.
“Really?” Lord Eyrdway looked dismayed. “What are they so upset about? I thought nothing was forbidden in Salesh in Festival time.”
“They’re talking about sins of the flesh, not manslaughter,” Smith pointed out.
“Oh. Well, it ought to say so on those brochures, then! Anyway I remembered you had a safe house somewhere hereabouts, so I went looking for it, but—”
“You were coming to me for protection?” Lord Ermenwyr smiled, showing all his teeth.
“No, I wasn’t!” said Lord Eyrdway at once. “I don’t need your protection! I just thought, you know…” He opened and shut his mouth a few times, seeking words.
“Well, that’s done it; his brain’s seized up with the effort,” Lord Ermenwyr said to Smith. “While we’re waiting, let me apologize for this unsightly complication. As for you, brother dearest, I shall be happy to offer you refuge. It’s what Mother would want me to do, I’m sure.”
“Go explode yourself,” said Lord Eyrdway pettishly. “I just thought I could borrow enough money from you to pay Daddy back.”
“Ah, but then you’d miss the instructive discipline Daddy was meting out by your temporary banishment, wouldn’t you?” said Lord Ermenwyr. “And I’m certain Mother was hoping you’d learn some sort of moral lesson from the experience, as well.”
“Does that mean you won’t lend me the money?”
“You fool, it’s ridiculously easy to get money from mortals without stealing it from them,” Lord Ermenwyr said.
“It is?” Large brass wheels and gears appeared in the air above Lord Eyrdway’s head, turning slowly. “People do that, don’t they?”
“Quite. For example, Smith, here, used to kill people for money,” said Lord Ermenwyr.
“Used to,” Smith said. “I keep a hotel now. I don’t recommend the assassin game, lord. It’s a lot harder than it sounds.”
“Well, I don’t want to do anything hard,” said Lord Eyrdway, frowning. The gears above his head metamorphosed into a glowing lamp, and he turned to his brother. “I know! Haven’t you been peddling your ass to the mortals?”
“I’m a junior gigolo,” Lord Ermenwyr corrected him. “And it’s much more subtle than mere peddling. You have to romance them. You have to wheedle presents. You have to know the best places to unload presents for cash. But, yes, you can get mortals to pay you ever so much for having sex with them, if you’re young and beautiful.”
“How’d you manage it, then?” Lord Eyrdway chortled.
“Smith, shall I tell you about the time Eyrdway here was beaten up by our sister?”
“Don’t tell him that story!”
“Then watch your mouth, you oaf. A male prostitute has to be charming.” Lord Ermenwyr stroked his beard and considered his brother through half-closed eyes. “There are certain streets where one goes to linger. You make yourself look young and vulnerable, and I always found it helped to let a little of my glamour down, so mortals could just get the tiniest glimpse of my true form.”
“I can do that,” Lord Eyrdway decided.
“Then you wait for someone to notice you. You want somebody older, somebody well dressed. Usually they offer to buy you a drink.”
“Got it.”
“And then you go to bed with them and make them as happy as you possibly can. The customer is always right, remember.”
“Are you sure this is what you used to do?” Lord Eyrdway looked dubious as he ran back over the details.
“Why, of course,” said Lord Ermenwyr silkily. He had a sip of his wine.
“And you can really get money this way?”
“Heaps,” Lord Ermenwyr assured his brother.
“Well, then, I ought to be a famous success!” said Lord Eyrdway happily. “Because I’m lots more attractive than you. I think I’ll start today.”
“You won’t get anybody to pay for sex during Festival,” said Smith.
“That’s true,” Lord Ermenwyr agreed. “You’ll have to start next week. You can stay with me until then. You can’t practice here in Smith’s hotel, because he’s having a bit of