American Hero - George R. R. Martin Page 0,8

time. Okay, maybe I haven’t actually been to all that many, but there’s plenty of lying going on around here near as I can tell, so why should I stick to the truth? Done a lot of things, too. Started out as the fastest waiter in the world, but I knew there were bigger things in store. I was a security specialist, an automobile daredevil, even spent a little time as a matador south of the border. Not to mention my talent for cards, which keeps me out of most of the casinos in Atlantic City.

Baltimore is where I was born and grew up. Current residence: American Hero. A little aside to my mom and dad if they’re watching: I told you I’d make it big someday, and here I am, no thanks to you.

I’m kind of drawing a blank here. Personality isn’t what I’m about. Action is what I do best, and I do it fast, faster maybe than you can see. I guess I could talk about my team, the Diamonds, but they seem like a bunch of losers to me: a fat girl who blows bubbles, a flying guy with a dopey Rocket J. Squirrel hat, a big hairy guy who can become a bunch of dumb little hairy guys, and a diamond girl who looks better when she isn’t being hard. Who are the others? Oh, yeah, the cripple in a wheelchair who’s a real clotheshorse and the girl on wheels. They’re not going to see this until later, right? For the record, I’m in the Diamonds, and I’m the best we’ve got.

I know most of you watch plenty of reality TV, and those shows always have a bad guy. You know who I mean. The ones you love to hate, the ones you always want voted off the show. But shows like American Hero need the guys, bad guys. So if you want me to play that bit for you, fine, I will, but the truth is I’m no worse than anyone else. I’m just not good-looking. You’ll put up with all kinds of [bleep] from someone if they look good, won’t you?

The truth is, winning isn’t about likability. It’s about ability. And how you use it.

I’m going to give you a taste of what I can do. Not much, but I’m stuck in the postage-stamp room where I can barely stretch my legs. See this egg? It’s raw, not hard-boiled. If I drop it, I’m covered in mess, which will make me even crankier than I am now. That’s not going to happen, though. I’m going to toss it in the air and bounce around this little room, twice, sit back down in the chair and catch it in my hand without letting it break. Turn on your DVRs, ’cause you’ll want to rewatch this in slo-mo. Word. Don’t try this at home, boys and girls.

Ready?

[bleep].

Hurt my knee bouncing around, but look at the egg. Not a crack in it. And I’m not even breathing hard. There’s a couple of women around here who could help me in that department, don’t you know. Not that they’d volunteer. Of course, I might help them out of their clothes for my enjoyment and yours. Would they censor that? Bet it would make the DVD, though.

I’m getting off track. Like I said, people, it’s about ability. And this hero thing we’re supposedly all trying to be. I’m going to tell you something true here. Bottom line, if you don’t learn to take care of yourself first, you can’t take care of anyone else. Remember that idiot Jetboy? He was no hero. Didn’t take care of number one, or anything else, and people have been paying for it ever since.

I’m Joe, and I’m the best there is. Even if you don’t think so now, by the end of the show you’ll be on my side. Stay tuned and see if I’m not right.

Week 2: How the Cards Fall

Week Two Recap: Who’s Hot Stuff?

The four American Hero teams received a baptism by fire this week, literally, as each faced a blazing inferno of a building and attempted to rescue the victims (played by trained Hollywood stunt performers) inside. For the first time, we saw our twenty-eight aces in action and under pressure.

So, who’s got it? Who doesn’t? And who really doesn’t?

Team Clubs had it. The team worked together, mounting a spectacular rescue that might have been choreographed. Brave Hawk used his ability to fly to pull victims from upper-story